Tuesday, July 22, 2014


This month has been a month for me.  You know...really...a month.

It has been rocked with deep sadness and grief and pain and regrets and... hopes... seemingly dashed on the rocks.  Yes...all one. And that all happened in the first 15 days.

These are the times I am so thankful for those people in life I can truly call "friend".

You know...the friend that you can truly let your walls down with. The ones you can cry and tell them you feel like you are failing...and they smile at your raw transparency.  Instead of beating you while you are down...they hold your hand and pray with you.  Pray for peace. Pray for joy. In the middle of the 'whatevers' you are facing.  Courage to endure.

The freedom to be that real and open.  The mystery in sharing your burden...and how both of you walk away lighter and free-er instead of both now being burdened and weighed down.

Oh...the word friend.  It's a deep, emotional word for me.

The wisdom that was in my friend's advice to be 'friendly with everyone...but be friends with few".  We all learn these hard lessons through life of being an open book with a person we shouldn't be.  However...the danger is when we put walls up so high that we never bare our souls to anyone.

Proverbs 12:26
"A righteous man is cautious in friendship..."

I have a few very very very real, close friends.  People I definitely bare my souls with.  I cry. I laugh. The conversation starts with how I'm throwing in the towel and ends with laughter. That's what a friend does.  Sharing your struggles...lightens the load.

One of my favorites:

Proverbs 27:17
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." heart is so thankful for these amazing people that God has gifted me with.


Thursday, July 17, 2014


This is written on the shirt I was wearing today.


Read it again.




Sunday, July 13, 2014

The between.

The Israelites were there for 40 years...on their way to the Promised Land.  And it couldn't have been pretty.

167 mentions of God's promise...from what I could the Bible regarding the Promised Land.   "God promised the land of Canaan to the Jews as an unconditional covenant – 55 times the Bible records that God confirmed the gift with an oath. Twelve of those times He stated that the covenant was everlasting." (according to one Bible site).

Nothing like the Israelites, but in our own small tribe...I feel stuck in the land "in between".

We look back at the three huge events in our life recently that led us here and there is not a shred of doubt that God was directing each move. It was actually so extreme, we often commented that we felt like we were in the bleachers watching God make each play.  Each of these three big events were crazy God-moves and brought us to this cute, smallish...rental house.

It's not tiny. It's just that we are rather...huge.

For most would be a lovely situation.  For's a little crammed.

It was short stop on the way to our house.  Temporary. Necessary. But very...temporary.

This week we found out we are not able to start building our house until at least January. Could be the next year.

I'm not going to was a gulp. No. It wasn't.  It was not a gulp. It was a sob.

Jokingly the day before we heard this news, I said to Dean "if for some crazy reason we couldn't build our house right now...I would need a serious attitude-overhaul to settle in here".

Yah. That.

I poured out my heart to my sweet confidant friend today.  And she reminded me of the lessons that are the between.

It's not where you are going. It's not where you want to be.  It's only do-able with joy because it's just a necessary place along the the final destination.  But don't stop there.  And...definitely don't set up your home there. It's the between.

And here we are. I had a good cry and asked God..."why here? Why take us here? We were comfortable in our house? We were in no hurry to move forward...You brought us leave us here...?"

Oh. I'm sure we'll see the lessons of the heart...that can be learned in this land....of the in-between.

I know we aren't the only ones pitching our tent in this land.  Half way to where we are really going. The hardest part is that we can see it.  The land is there. We own it. Our name is on it.  It is ours.  It's not a hope...a dream...a's a reality. It's ours. Yet we are here.  In this rental house...not where we want to be.  Stuck.

And God is still this land.  He's still leading us...though it looks as though He stopped. He didn't.  So we wait.  On Him. To show us what is next.

In-between.  The last place you want to be.

Attitude overhaul...? Happening now. :)

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Hard things.

It's been a week of hard things.

I feel compelled to post tonight. And I have so little to say.

Except that I'm so thankful..He has given me everything I need. He loves us.

Saturday, July 5, 2014


Last Monday, after coming home with Azlan from his dental surgery...I got him settled and sat down on the chair with my computer. When Facebook pulled up...I felt the blood drain from my face.  I could not believe what I was seeing.

My sweet, beautiful friend Jenny had gone to be with Jesus.

I got up from the chair, could hardly get the words out to Dean, and ran to the bathroom. I collapsed in gut wrenching sobs.

No. No...please no.  Not Jenny.

Yes this is Jenny.  And her husband Brad.  I knew Jenny's sister from years ago and was connected to her through her sister.  I still remember calling her years ago when God had laid Africa on our hearts. We called her before we called anyone.  I just wanted to hear her story.  What I heard was amazing.  She spoke about how God called her and Brad to Liberia, Africa.  I listened to every word.  I'll never forget when she asked me if the adoption was only $4000 if I'd have that money. I hesitated and said "well no..." she followed up with "so if it was $4000 or $40, need God to show up.  The greater the need...the greater the miracle".

That conversation with Jenny changed everything for me.  She breathed life into this weak little faith I had.  She encouraged me in that phone call to live faith without borders. All in. it.  She 'got' life.  She really did. She 'got' faith.  Her faith was bigger to her than what she could see.  In just a few moments of speaking with understood that this was her reality.  And she definitely 'got' love.  

She inspired me every few days with her love for her husband.  Their unashamed public comments of affection to each other was a breath of fresh air.  

One of her most recent notes to me was this:

"I was reading Psalm 94 this morning and verse 9 arrested my attention and made me intercede for your little guy:

Does he who implanted the ear not hear?  Does he who formed the eye not see?  

I LOVE the miracles God is doing in your family Janice.  I am so proud of you all and share the Holy Spirit's enthusiasm for you all!"

She was an encourager. She made time for people.  Jenny 'got' life. 

One of my life's super heroes...the lovely gone from this life.  

Super hero...not super human.  

I believe there is much freedom in Jenny's story.  

Someday perhaps my heart can share more.

Jenny's family.

Yes. 15 of the most beautiful children you have ever seen.  8 adopted from Africa. Some of them have medical needs that are pretty intense.  Please friends...please...pray for this beautiful family.  

My heart feels like it has shattered into many pieces this week.

Jenny's story lives on.  She lives on.  And her story is still unfolding here on earth with this beautiful family each day.

This link will allow you to donate where 100% of the money goes directly to the Groothius family.  

You don't have much? Don't give much.  Sacrifice a coffee to give to these precious children.  We can all do that. Please pray. Please give.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Surgery #1.

Azlan had surgery #1 on Monday morning.

I walked into his bedroom at 5:55am to see him laying on his back...hands folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling.  I said "good morning, my boy" and he smiled sweetly. So much on his mind.

I had promised Tirzah and Zion I would wake them because they did not want Azlan alone.  I love these children.

We arrived, talked to the medical team and checked in.  Azlan always responds quickly to Versed.  He was loopy fast.  I had to hold the poor boy up :)

Surgery went well. Six teeth were removed in the end, one of which was an adult tooth not even poking through yet. They dug up into the bone and found it.

I've noticed a bit of a milder Azlan since.  Whenever I ask how he's doing, he's a little quiet.  Sometimes gets teary.

He said eating isn't very fun right now. Having your top teeth removed and having a severe underbite...(so your top gum and bottom teeth don't come close to lining up...) doesn't make it easy.  He told me it was very fun having a peanut butter sandwich anymore and asked if I could cut it up into small pieces.

He is strong. Loved. Oh so brave.

I've said it from the very beginning...this boy is just learning how to fly.  Watch out world...don't say I didn't warn you...someday...Azlan will soar.

Monday, June 23, 2014

The family that...shovels 'crap' together....

...stays together!

Ok.  Hope you aren't offended by my choice word.

Early this morning, we were all out in Marz' stall shoveling horse poop.

We have never heard one complaint about it from anyone, in fact they all wish they had boots so we could all do it every time together.

This morning it was Dean, Tirzah, Zion and I.  We always make jokes as we are doing it.  Dean telling me I've never looked more beautiful than when I'm shoveling poop. Just awesome. :)

But this morning...I laughed and said "wait...the family that shovels crap together...stays together...!" and Dean quickly looked up at me and said "woah...that's perfect!"

We know of so many. Too many. Far too many...families now separated or going through a divorce.  (By the is a 'many' number but if it was ONE family we would be far too many...).  Heart breaking stories of betrayal. Loss of loyalty.  Pain. Abuse. You name it...people are hurting from it.

And the metaphor is very applicable.   If these families "shoveled crap together"...the ending would look different than it does.  If they together...put their work gloves on...grabbed a shovel...went out to where the flies were...put their shoulders back...let the sweat drip down their face...and shoveled the stinky stuff out of their homes...their marriages...their private lives...out.

I've been thinking about it all day.

What if there's really something to that....?

Get your gloves out...put your boots on!

This is worth working for!