Life.

It's been busy lately. In case you can't tell from seeing the lack of posts :)

I'll get more consistent with it.

Taizi is being...Taizi! Good news! :)  He's definitely putting weight on, getting pudgy, and definitely not growing taller...and definitely getting harder and harder to carry everywhere (says both Dean and I). hmmmm.


Our next Seattle appt is June 15. That's Zihao's ear tubes. Then the 17th for Cranio for Azlan, Zihao and Taizi to see what steps we will take next.

We finally got all of Taizi's blood work done. Poor Dean. He volunteered to take him and it was a runaround of labs. Not surprisingly the blood work was intense and several of the local labs were not equipped to do it.  Then it was too much for 1 draw so we had to come back a second time.  That time took longer as they didn't have the supplies and Dean and a fasted-Taizi had to wait for the stuff to arrive and it didn't sound fun.

However it's all done at this point and now we wait to hear the results.

Zihao is doing well.  Lots of English and funny ways of saying it which  is cute.  Zihao's birthday is May 26th...cake is ordered, Zihao-style and gifts are on their way (thanks to Amazon).  Love love love shipping to my door. Seriously.

Anndddd our 13th anniversary is Monday.  Yes.  13 years.  To say we have come a long way is such a gross understatement.  We had wanted to get away for the weekend to celebrate...we will do it...perhaps just delayed.  Our work schedules are pretty full and being 35weeks pregnant....there is a new baby coming soon :) Not that we intend to slow down much...but :)

As my life races before me...in the form of 'just another day'...I'm brought humbly to my knees as Christina (my close friend's niece) is dying.  Really...knowingly...dying.  I've been so moved by watching this from afar.  I've never seen someone die so gracefully.  There is no "why?" there is no bitterness...there is simply joy as she waits to meet her Savior.  Can you imagine...that being you? Leaving behind a husband of 1.5 years...a 6month old baby boy...?  And fully, to the end...trusting God that He is only good.

See when SHE says "He is good" you sit up and pay attention.  When someone rattles it off on fb because they just got a job promotion or a new house or their new baby was born healthy...you take it with a grain of salt. Will they still say He is good when things aren't going quite so ideal? When your baby is born with a serious health condition? When you get the dreadful news of a health concern in your family becoming a reality?  His goodness does not depend on your circumstances. He IS good.  He cannot be otherwise.

When Christina and her family say "He is good" it is moving to the core.

Faith. Alive and real.

10 minutes.

I have a new philosophy.

That everything I dread doing...really only takes 10 minutes.

Hmm. Something to think about.

But really.

I hate unloading the dishwasher.

It's less than a 10 minute job.

I hate cleaning the kitchen.

I can do that in 10 minutes.

I hate doing laundry.

Really? I can get several loads folded and put away in 10 minutes.

When you think about it...much of what us busy moms dread and put off...really only takes 10 minutes.

So there's my challenge to you.

Next time you think "seriously...can't do laundry right now" or "not cleaning the kitchen...again!" think...it's really 10 minutes! Or less! I unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned up from dinner, reloaded it and the kitchen was CLEAN in 10 minutes the other night.  Wasn't worth the dread.

Food for thought.

Never underestimate your ability to influence.

On Sunday, a lady came up to me outside church and said her son had something special for Zion. While reading this blog she read how Zion loved soldiers and always talks of being one someday.  Her son is an Army Ranger.

I put the note in my purse and promised to give it to Zion after Sunday School.

When we got home we sat down and opened the note. His eyes were huge.  I mean...huge.  "A REAL soldier wrote me a letter...?".  He read the letter then held it close to his chest.  He said the coin was the most special thing he's ever owned and he would never ever ever lose it.

I'm not sure if this young man knew how much this would mean to our 7 year old little boy.  But he hasn't lost sight of that letter and coin since he got it.  In fact, I told him I would frame it and put it in his room.

Something really special is that bottom verse. Joshua 1:9 is the first verse Zion (and our other children) ever memorized. They still say it out loud when they are afraid.  In a child's version "Be strong and brave...because God is with you".  

With a middle name of Courage...I looked at Dean Sunday afternoon and said "you know..." and he smiled.  Zion would be passionate about fighting for his country someday.  Yes...he's 7.  But he talks about the courage of a soldier all day long.  

To Garrett: Thank you.  Thank you for taking the time to influence a little boy.  He doesn't know you...and yet holds you in the highest regard.  You are a hero to him.  And that fact that you are a hero that trusts in Jesus...is even more inspiring to Zion Courage.  

Just a peek into a day.

We got called this morning confirming Zihao's dental surgery tomorrow morning. Then the scheduler says "you will get his pediatrician appt done today?" .....WHAT?  No.  That didn't sit well.  Nine children. No appt. No mention of an appt. Yes, yes, I should remember from the other kids...but I didn't. 

So I called my ped and she says 'come now'....Great. And...no problem.

I have minutes to get all 9 children ready and out the door.  Thankfully...we are not a pajama-in-the-day-family so everyone was dressed. 

We get there and all goes well.

The problem is I had an ob appt at 11. The doc still hadn't walked in the office at 10:42. I'm 15 minutes away from my OB.  :) I go tell her I have to see her now or we have to leave...

She races in. Clears him for surgery.

We leave.  Help buckle all the little kids in the van. Text Dean like crazy to meet me at the OB office.  I get there...he's not there. He texts me "I'm here"...I'm confused.  He's at the ped. office. :( uhhhh now I'm late. I go in and check in and run back out to the van. They always have me sit in the waiting room for 45 minutes away....not today. A few minutes later she comes running out calling my name.  Dean isn't there yet.  :)

I wait finally he shows up. I run in the office, they call me right in :)

Good news: I lost 3 lbs in 1 week (am 33wks)..and am now only measuring 2 weeks ahead instead of 5wks!  Doctor said our baby is measuring big...75-80th% which does panic me a bit.  I'm not one of those believers that whatever size your baby...you can handle it. There are 2 sets of genetics involved here....and my third baby which was in less than 3 years from baby number 1...was SO almost a c-section due to head size.  The doctor says head is quite large.  hmmm. 

Just another thing for me to surrender.

I should be a master at this ... but I'm not.

We'll plan on 39weeks like we have done with the last 4 babies.

He does think this one will be our biggest yet.  I had a dream 2 nights ago that she was 10lbs11oz and I was so sad that I missed the newborn stage :) Hope that wasn't prophetic...;)

Andddd...we were on our way. Dean back to work. Me back home with the kids to do lunch and naps and get to work for the afternoon.

:)

Just a peek into our morning. 

Is this the secret?

As I was pouring out my heart to my sweet friend tonight...she led me to this blog. 

http://www.aholyexperience.com/

And as I was reading...suddenly I stopped. Everything.

And there was a huge lump in my throat. And definitely a tear in my eye.

This ... this could be the secret.

"Sometimes the way to win is to never enter the race."

Hmmm.  That's deep.

Profound.

Do you really need to be heard when you are known?

Known.  The beauty of being truly known.  You don't have to speak. You don't have to make your case.  You don't have strive to win the race...

You can be known.

I love love love the ending line about how small the stars look...

Peace.

Joy.

 Joy.  Mother's Day weekend we went out on the river.  It was hot.  Very hot.  

Our captain...seen above. This guy just plain gets better with time.  Better and better looking.  Seriously.

3 amigos at the front of the boat!

 

Zihao taking it all in

 I'm choosing to show you pictures that reflect joy.  Not sure if this was joy from Taizi as he was screaming and hitting himself just seconds earlier. Then turned to hysteria. But it looks like joy so we'll show the picture. :)

So proud of my Tirzah girl! She got in the water! She was fine til she remembered fish live there...then it was panic ;)

 Zunduka jumped first. No warning of water temperature at all! Yikes!

 Zion ... thought about it ;)

 Azahria and Izrael ;)

 Miss Tirzah Liberty. She's as lovely as she looks.

 Miss personality...plus. Love her. Little Izrael Promise

 :)

 This picture is funny. Caught Zunduka in the biggest yawn ever!

 Yes. My children wanted Mama to jump. 8 months pregnant and water in a inhumane temperatures. I seriously felt like I was going to have a heart attack moments after I jumped. Not sure how smart it was but it made them all smile :)

 A very classic quirkly Taizi face

 Daddy and baby girl Azahria

 Mama and Izrael :)

 Mother's Day.  Surrounded by 9 (10) children that call me Mama. 

Some days...it's more chaos than peace.

Now I have to explain that statement.

Our kids are amazing.  Truly amazing.

Taizi is hard.  He really just is.

He is NOT hard if you let him just sit and do nothing. Eat baby food. A bottle and never ever attempt to walk or move.  Or do anything he doesn't want to do.

Yet we cannot.

We have made progress yet he seems to do 1.5 steps forward and 1 step back. Frequently.

Going away for 5 days definitely had it's effect. We anticipated that.  But it's not that fun for the rest of us.

He almost refuses to walk.  We do it...but he screams like you are torturing him.  The therapist in Seattle said he 100% has the ability and 100% lacks the motivation so she wants us to keep going.  We also know that we can accomplish things so much faster than therapy can just due to time.

He MAY (we would debate that) have the physical ability to walk...but he definitely does not have the desire or motivation. Isn't that half the battle...?  When your baby is learning to walk...they WANT to walk. There is that desire to be independent. Not in Taizi. :(  So it's hard.  He screams like crazy and we walk around the kitchen with him.  And...he will go totally limp so he doesn't have to.

Then there's food. We've started on mildly chunky food.  Like a mushed up banana.  Yes...it's chaos.But in good news it was chaos getting him off his bottle. And it was chaos getting him to eat from a syringe. And it was chaos getting him to eat from a spoon. And it was chaos getting him to eat foods other than sweet potatoes and bananas.  But we did it.  So of course it's chaos taking the next step.

Regarding sleep we are figuring out that he is indeed trashed at about 5pm.  In fact, the last few days I was out with all the kids at that time and he fell asleep in the car (which he never does!).

He hates his glasses and rips them off every 30 seconds if we don't see him.  Speaking of glasses, we did just get a new pair...in white. So he has blue and white :)

We let him eat his bottle on a chair (sitting up) like a couch or big chair in the living room. Then every time he turns around and slithers off the chair. Well since we came home ... he will not. In fact, he sits there and screams for you to get him off the chair. Soooo he has definitely regressed in that area and I would say also in the walking area. He hated it but not like he does now.

All of this...has got us wondering...if his severe reaction to the rehab room in the orphanage...was not due to abuse...but perhaps due to him being pushed to stand, crawl, walk etc and things he didn't want to do.  Obviously we don't know but we wonder. Now that we see how he reacts to be made to do anything progressive...it's really the same.

We went to Seattle for ENT for Zihao, Taizi and Azlan last week.

Azlan's update was great. It was the first time a doctor has had an answer. He first of all blatantly disagreed with Dr. Husein in Spokane that Azlan is 1 in 100,000. He laughed actually. He said this is what he sees sooo frequently with Baha implants.  Inflammation. Hair follicles no longer present.  Swelling. Consistently.

He likened it to a Tracheotomy. He said whenever there is something protruding out of the skin...then everything and anything ... the slightest dirt, sweat, bacteria is going to cause a problem.  Period.  He said the care of a BAHA is intense.  It takes daily ointment, cleansing, brushing around the abutment etc.  We have NEVER been told this. He gave a RX that will even kill MRSA. He said he has to shower daily and apply it daily. Then he gave an ointment for when it does get inflammed.  When I asked about him being allergic etc...he said no...it really is infection but not deep infection. Just skin infection from normal skin bacteria.  However he doesn't believe oral or IV antibiotics help it. It's all topical.  So we are going to do this for 2 months and then see him again.  He said with an implant like this it's all about weighing the pros and cons.  He said he has MANY families lined up waiting for the Sophono implant b/c they refuse the "nightmare of the BAHA".  Good to know. No one told us! :(

Then Zihao.  We did the behavioral audio exam where a frequency is sounded in each ear canal to see his response.  In BOTH ears he responded at 40-50decibels.  I was floored. If you see the way he leans his head and favors one ear...you would be too.  The good news about this definite hearing loss is he has significant fluid in his ears. So on June 15 he will have tubes put in then we will do the test again and see where he is.  I'm still in shock that there's no single sided deafness just with his behaviors! GOOD NEWS!!

Then Taizi.  He just reviewed his CT scan and made a plan.  Things don't look good for Taizi there's no doubt but we are going to give every chance we can. So he will have tubes put in, hopefully with palate surgery then we will do the ABR sedated hearing test and see. If he has no response at that point, things are a lot more conclusive.

Regarding Cochlear implants which many ask about...it's unlikely he would be a candidate even if it were proven they could help him b/c you have to be trained to interpret the sounds with a cochlear implant and you have to have that cognitive ability. ...

That was it! The next Cranio Facial is for June 17 for all 3 boys and we'll know more about surgeries etc at that point.

Likely having a baby the end of June we are trying to get as many of these big appts out of the way first.  Though...it's not like they will slow down :)

Going back to our amazing kids...yesterday I had an appt for Azlan with the ped. Dean was working and so I took all 9.  It was 94 degrees yesterday (!)...we got out of the van and walked up to the doc's office.  I took the three little kids with me (well not really) it was Azlan, Zihao and Izrael and the other 6 stayed in the playroom reading books.  When I came back out the receptionist's eyes popped. She said "where were those 6 children???" I said "right here!" She said "You don't understand, there was not ONE peep, I didn't know anyone was in the waiting room!! That's amazing" and I turned to the kids and said "you guys rock and they all jumped up to give me high five. I think she was most amazed by the life they had once we were leaving. They have so much life and spirit...but know when to sit and control it. They are awesome.

And really...they all are.

Last night I got on my hands and knees to wash the entire bottom floor...floor.  I knew it was a bad idea. At 33 weeks pregnant...you know but...I wanted it done. :) SO I did it. The kids were outside cleaning the yard and Zion was inside helping me.  He disappeared for a long time. When I was done I looked up to see this MASSIVE poster taped to the dining room wall. It was beautiful. All rainbows and then there was Mommy and Zion in stick figure style. Written above it was "you are the best mommy in the world".  When I asked why he did it he said "because you have a baby in your belly and yet you work so hard. You rock".  :)

Every ounce of this parenting is worth it. Every bit.

Driving to Seattle the other day we turned on "It's Good to be Alive" by Jason Grey.  All of a sudden the  van erupted into noise. Every child minus Taizi, bellowing at the top of their lungs. "All I want is to give you a life well lived to say THANK YOU!" and how could my heart not smile.

Seriously.

I choose peace.