Don't you really want to read the truth? I try to be transparent. What help would this story be to another family going through this journey if they didn't know the whole truth? I really struggled with that while blogging our African adoption journey...it was raw, real and unedited. Well let's start there this time as well.
Have you ever been attacked? Like spiritually?
The last four days have been odd. Then weird. Then just plain awful. Last night I lost it. Dean lost it. We both completely lost it. Nothing to do with the adoption. Then all of a sudden through the tears Dean said "I think I'm under attack..." and though I didn't want to entertain the thought in my moment of anger that someone else could be to blame here...it hit me too. This was all happening the night before we had a HUGE decision to make. And looking back over the last four days...it was a build up. This wasn't just a decision either..it was a call to answer.
In my total frustration and outright anger...I stopped and realized...this was the final proof we were in the right place. When you step out in total obedience and faith...you also become a target for the enemy. While it was sad and I was in no way happy with what had just happened...it was confirmation.
Now to put our guard up higher and be on high alert.
So I called a few friends today...friends currently in the process of international adoption as well...and asked them if they went through this. They absolutely had. And one friend said it was so bad they almost changed their minds regarding the adoption of the precious child God so clearly gave them...and then they realized...'oh wait...this is an attack'. Knowledge is power...when you know what's causing it you can fight the battle.
Oh it's feeling like chaos alright...God bring your Peace to our family. If you are reading this blog, I ask you to pray for us when God brings you to mind. That He will protect us and our family. That He will provide at every level, every step of the way. That He will hold this little boy in the palm of His hand.
~it's begun. A mound of paperwork on my desk. A child's face never far from my mind to help me get through it. And a realization that over $1900 is due when we submit this first packet (that we will be ready to submit early next week). ...? No I will not panic. .. I will remember every miracle He gave to bring Chazano and Zunduka home. You're up to something...bigger than me..
To little Mao Zhong Hua, you sweet sweet child...my heart aches for you. May you feel the love of a Dad that has never ever turned His face from you as you live your day today. He's heard every cry...every single one...