Tuesday, October 4, 2011

3 minutes. 24 seconds.

Why...?

Why am I doing this?

I have 24 hours each day. The most heart wrenching moments are the 3 minutes and 24 seconds at the end of the day when I sit and watch our baby boy.

I get to move on. Sleep in a warm house. Wake to bliss the next day. And with all the urgency we feel to get him home...I do not want to think about the conditions he's in. It's much more pleasant to block it out of my mind.

He doesn't have that luxury.

As his mama...

I choose to enter into his pain. Every night. Just for 3 minutes and 24 seconds. And I cry each time. I hurt each time. I fully go there each time.

I feel so much compassion...I just want to touch him. I've caught myself reaching out to the screen...

Please ... God....please....work miracles to speed this process up.

I've had a lot of incredibly anticipated moments in my life. The birth of each child. Time stood still. The birth of Azlan...with all the concerns around what could go wrong...I can still feel the emotion of that moment when I first saw him...first held him...

The moment when I first see little "tommy" and scoop him into my arms...will be one I never forget.

It seems so wrong that I only enter in his life for 3 minutes 24 seconds each day...when that is his every moment.

Tonight my precious..may you feel surrounded by the Love that has never turned away.

To our "China baby dolls"... we are coming.


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