Sunday, October 2, 2011

My heart.

Tonight I'm touched. Broken. Heavy hearted. Excited. Thankful. Hurting. Broken.

What a mess.

If you ever cry 'break my heart for what breaks Yours'...be prepared. Because there is so much that breaks God's heart.

I received three messages this weekend that... well...showed God.

All three messages were different. All three...were very clear messages from God saying "I can hear you. I can hear them. I will bring them home".

I...am humbled. Softened. Touched.

In church today, a song started. We've heard it a few times and ... it's beautiful. But today...I heard "hear this from Tommy's heart..." hmmmm...

(Beautiful Things by Gungor)

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new



I can't even read that...from Tommy's heart...without tearing up. Oh He makes beautiful things out of the dust. That's all we are. Dust.

And again I was broken. Broken for my little boy in China.
"All this pain...I wonder if I'll ever find my way..I wonder if my life will really change at all...."
That's his heart...? That breaks mine.

He makes beautiful. Out of us.

Tonight I watched his video again. I allowed myself to fully 'go there'. To enter in to his little heart. To feel what God feels when He sees him. Oh to reach through and touch him. To hold his floppy little body in my arms and tell him he has a Dad that makes beautiful things out of us.

Hurt. I hurt. Literally...physically...hurt. I can feel a tightness in my chest and then I realize that I need to surrender. Again. Oh God hold this precious little boy in Your hands tonight. When he touches his head...let him feel Your hand. Let his belly be full...even if his bottle is not. Give him hope. You are making beautiful...

At the end of this day...I commit to watching his video every day. Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

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