Last night after everyone was in bed, I watched "19 kids and counting" the show where they lost their 20th child. I cried discreetly as I watched their grief unfold. I really love this family and love how they live their faith very boldly on national TV. They don't sugar coat anything.
After the show I went into the bathroom and sobbed. It was also 2 years to the day that I said goodbye to our little baby in Africa. I've never known grief like I experienced that day and in the dark days to come. I could feel myself in the clamminess of that bathroom...I could feel the total solitude that I felt in that moment. I could feel the complete grief come up from deep inside me. Loss like I had never known. The hopes and dreams and attachment that died with that little baby that I had prayed so earnestly for...
I look at our little promise child today...a healthy vibrant Izrael Promise. She's a gift. I have truly cherished every moment of her. Never missing one.
We have three children in Heaven waiting for us.
He makes all things Beautiful.
In His time.