Sunday, May 6, 2012
I've learned to trust it.
Whatever "it" is--I believe God gave it to me. Intuition...gut feeling...nagging thought.... We came to Seattle for business on Friday. Usually we come and go all in one day- leaving the kids home with a trusted friend. This month-- our friend was unavailable. So we packed the family up and decided to make a weekend out of it. On the way here Friday...dean was in a gas station and I started talking to God, out loud. "is this fear...? It doesn't feel like it. I don't feel anxious... I feel confident that something is wrong. I have this nagging gut feeling...something is just plain wrong". I texted my friend and we talked about it. I called my ENT in Spokane. I even texted a photo of the incision site to him. He said "ooooh ok. Apply the antibiotic ointment every hour and come see me Monday". Friday night Azlan started having pain. He's tough. But he was hurting. He would shudder then say "mama---it really hurts". We were at our friends house and I laid him on my lap and he fell asleep there. On Saturday morning I went to apply the ointment and I just knew something is really really wrong. I called Cochlear and spoke to their Audiologist. I called my friend who is an Audiologist. I told her to give it to me straight. I can handle it. She said "ok Janice--you are right. This is not ok. Please call your ENT". So I reach the ENT on call and I ask if I can text him a photo. He says sure. He calls me back 15 minutes later and says " ok .... This is bad. It's...not good. I'll call in oral antibiotics and come in to see us Monday". He explained how they thinned out the scalp and there is always a risk of the skin caving in and that appears to have happened here. He said its the reaction we know can happen but explained he's never seen it. He said its highly likely the implant may need to be removed and hopefully the screw in skull doesn't need to be removed. So we carry through the day. He got a fever. :(. On pain meds every 4 hours. Wound is oozing--I'll try not to be too graphic but it was not pretty. I called my friend who's dad is an infectious disease doctor. He said to go to Childres ER ASAP. So dean dropped me off around 8-8:30 pm. With Tirzah :). Azlan wanted her there:). We didn't even sit in waiting room, we went right back and were seen very quickly. I requested a culture of the discharge, per my friend's dad. ENT came in and said she recognized me from February 2007. Funny. Not that I was excited about that- because this is the same team that told me they suspected 20% hearing loss and once they discovered his complete SSD ( single sided deafness) said they had nothing to help him. However she took photo and texted her boss. She came ack and said we had a choice. Be admitted for 8 hours IV antibiotics or drive straight to Spokane and do same with our ENT team. so we checked in. I clung to Azlans legs as he flailed in pain as they made three attempts with the IV. He screamed...I cried. When I te dean outside for him to give me things for my stay-I hugged him and just cried on his shoulder. It breaks my heart to see this infection and the pain he's in and the possibility of having to reverse this implant we have waited 5.5 years for. I crawled into his bed with him at 1:45 am this morning. I'm longing for something a tad more comfortable to wear. I'm in business dress clothes as we can for a business event. Yes--I guess I packed dress clothes for the return trip as well. While it is my comfort clothes at home- not sure about sleeping in it in a hospital bed... Azlan slept from 8:00 pm to 8:30 am with only waking to scream during the 3 IV attempts. He kept screaming for Tirzah. too:(. He ate a full breakfast this morning. The ENT resident (who grew up in Richland) came and talked to me. Te wound is crusted over so he felt it was healing. My analogy was an icicle. It's hard to measure how much water is leaking because it's slowly growing. Knock it off and see if a new icicle forms and you can measure the drip. He scrubbed the wound down and I felt faint. It was --- really... Awful looking. There's a hole in his skin that he said clearly was a pocket of pus. He followed it down to the screw. He said it looked a lot worse than he thought. Now we can measure the drainage. He bandaged it all up with ointment. He said we definitely have to stay til tomorrow at the very least and see if the drainage slows. If not we need to be discussing removing the implant. If we are discharged tomorrow it's with the advice to drive straight to Spokane so our team of doctors can make a decision. Scott and Kristina Meyers kindly offered to bring Dean and the kids lunch and asked how they could help. I said watching the children for a few hours would be great so Dean could come for a few hours would be wonderful. So thankful for friends with generous hearts. Azlan and I walked down to the gift store. He has a new coloring book and a toy. His antibiotics started again at noon and his wound will be cleaned in a few hours. I'm 95% sure I just saw Mark Driscoll and his family walk into the next room with gifts and balloons. I'm waiting to see them come out- I would love to say hello! :) Thank you for praying for Azlan. He has such a perfect name for who he is. The lion. I'm thankful for whatever it is God has given to me--deep inside ... Because it has proven to be very accurate in knowing when to push further for Azlan.