Dean and I went out tonight for a date. (bliss). :) Our sweet friend Char...who adores our kids (so they adore her) has not only offered to come and hang out with our kids but wants to do it once a month. She says...free babysitting once a month helps! That is so awesome that we are going to take that babysitting money and put it into the adoption account.
We talked a lot about surrender tonight. I think this is a hard thing to really comprehend. People assume that it's not 'really' surrender because they think it 'fits us' therefore it's really what we 'wanted' for our life. Not really 'surrender'.
Yes we have huge hearts for the broken. Widow. Orphan. No question. We've often talked of taking our children to third world countries and helping in orphanages for a week or two. Absolutely.
But adopting 2 more children...was without question surrender.
That moment where you place yourself in the most vulnerable position ever...and step out and say "ok God. Ok. I surrender. This is not what I wanted. Just not the plans I had for my life. Hands up. Hearts wide open. Surrender."
It's the most beautiful thing.
As much as we love control...control of our lives. Steering the ship...everything according to plan. There's this beautiful bright...vibrant...blinding...rainbow that appears in the darkness of not knowing where you are going. Not knowing what's ahead...when you surrender.
Tonight we were driving home from our evening out. It was pouring rain. Seriously pouring. Dean pointed to the right and I would have to say I have never ever seen a rainbow like that. It looked like a rainbow you would color with crayons. Deep, defined, bright, vibrant...the contrast gave me goosebumps. It was so beautiful.
And yes my mind goes to that moment when we said "yes Lord"...and stepped out into what felt vulnerable...shaky...
There was this constant brightness that brought instant peace.
When we announced it and got silence...
There was this peace that you could almost reach out and touch.
If it was our idea...I'll be the first to admit I would have questioned everything at that point. But it wasn't our idea. It not only 'wasn't our plan'....we fought it. For days.
Every night when I open my Bible to read...it falls open to Jonah 2. Jonah 2:8. It might turn into a life verse for me.
Those who cling to worthless idols...forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
I...like you...had to sacrifice my 'worthless idols'. Yes it hurts to say any of those good things were really worthless idols. But in light of the "grace that could mine"...it really wasn't a question.
I truly believed we are all called to surrender. Your surrender is no doubt different than mine.
You may not be called to adoption. But what are you called to? What is that area of your life where you hear that whisper and you sluff it off. You think "seriously...? That's crazy!" or "come on it's just plain common sense to do ________"
People ask "are you done? Is 9 it?" well the answer is "we were done at 7..." So yes we are done at 9. But we raise our white flag...we surrender all to You. Only He knows if we are done at 9.
I love this song. Click on the link and take a few moments to listen.