Friday, June 29, 2012

Taizi Fu'An...

Happy Birthday my precious.  Three years ago today...your tummy mommy gave birth to perfect, beautiful, precious little you.  Whatever circumstances led her to leave you a few days later, we are not sure...but He works all things together for good.  You will not stay an orphan.  You are so loved.  So loved.

A few nights ago, I sat and watched that video of you again.  It's never gotten easier.  I had my hand over my mouth the entire time. And when you cried on the rocking horse...I cried with you. I refused to look away from the screen.  When you laid in your crib sucking your empty Haberman bottle and rubbed your hand instantly reached out to rub your hair for you.  My heart breaks for you my precious.

I cannot wait to look into your eyes and let you see love, hope, security and total peace.  All the fear inside of you...will someday go.  Love will replace the fear.  Perfect Love.  He can erase every hurt you've ever felt.  He can make your wounded spirit...whole.

Tonight...I wish I was there celebrating you.  I wish I was holding your fragile little body in my arms as we sang and danced for your birthday.  Today is about you.  Me...on the other side of the world...thanking God in Heaven...for you.  He makes such beautiful things out of dust.  Such beautiful things out of us.

Taizi. You are our crown prince.  Your name means so much and says so much about who you really are.  Not who your little heart things you are. Not who your wounded spirit fears you are. Not who the masses around you...assume you are.  Who you really are.  You are created by a God who has known every day.  Every moment.  Never has a tear fallen without your Father in Heaven...counting them.  Zion said today that it's pretty amazing that God knows how many hairs we have on our heads. Then he paused and said "that's really amazing because that means He knows everything about us doesn't it?"

I dream...really truly dream...of holding your little body close to mine.  I'm praying for your heart. That God will prepare your heart for the abundance of love it's about to receive.

Happy birthday my precious.  This is your last birthday without a forever mommy and daddy to whisper in your ear just how perfect and special you are.  We are counting down the days to you.

(we were mistaken...his birthday was June 26.  We had a mixup with Zihao's bday so that created the confusion).  We sent a birthday cake and package from Red Thread China and are told to expect pictures and we can't wait.

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