Sunday, September 9, 2012

Final step is in sight!

Our article 5 gets picked up on Friday and then we are waiting for our TA!  Kind of surreal...!

Last night I laid in bed for over an hour constantly surrendering the sudden onset of panic that would hit me.
  "Janice...it's not about you..."

"... um where is the rest of the money going to come from...? In just a few weeks...?"

 "Janice...I've got this. I've had this from the very beginning.  I've only brought in about $32,000...you think another $8000 is too much for me...?"

"True...but what if it doesn't...?"

"Janice..."

"yah...? Yes. I know, God.  Ok so what about Azlan? I thought I'd have peace about leaving him and I don't.  He regressed so much when I went to Africa. Should we just take him...?"

"...."

"Is this really going to be a faith test all the way to the very end...?"

"...."

"You know we have to have that money before we can ever step on the plane...right...God...?"

"Janice..."

"yah...ok...I know.  Please take this burden. I am choosing to surrender."

"Peace, Janice.  Peace.  Take My peace".

"thank you for not being annoyed with my silliness and lack of faith, God.  Help my unbelief.
umm...God...?"

"Yes...?"

"...well...nevermind...Peace. Peace..."

"Janice...I already know.  Take my Peace. I've never left you. I never will leave you."

And somewhere shortly after that, I fell to sleep.

This journey has been a constant surrender.  I like to know when and where and how and why...and just exactly how much.  It's the money thing.  This journey has never been about us having the money. Not from the very beginning and so why would I think it is now...?

Peace.

Taizi Tommy...your Mama and Daddy are coming.  I'm sure you have no idea ... but your whole life is about to change.  Something beautiful is about to grow from what looks so hopeless to your little heart.

Zihao Ethan...you are beautiful and full of life.  We cannot wait to welcome your bouncy little spirit into our family and love you to pieces.

Peace.

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