Those of you that have gone through a pregnancy and had a baby. You know how you are so thrilled you are not only counting WEEKS you are counting DAYS...? Like "I'm 24w2days" (yes...that was me). Then all of a sudden you are 39w3days and you STOP counting. Now you are consumed with "what is ahead of me...?" "will I be ok...?" "will my baby be healthy...?" and so many more.
Not worry. Not anxiety. A real live reality check of 'WHOA this is happening!'
For 12 months and 1 week we have been waiting. You know it's funny it was such a hard core surrender of our wills but both Dean and I are 'all in' once we surrender. No half hearted-ness. If we say yes...it's yes! Now here we are at the dreamed-about-many-nights-stage in the process. We are simply waiting for Travel Approval. It's inevitable. We are going to China.
WHOA this is happening!
I have that same butterfly feeling deep inside that I've experienced 5 times with each pregnancy. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. There's so many emotions. The biggest feeling is one of complete humility to know we are in the center of where God wants us. That this isn't about whether 'we are happy with the children when we see them'... or if we 'need to bond before we know for sure' ... this is about God having chosen them and chosen us and knowing this simply is not about us.
When I think of Zihao and meeting him my heart leaps. Joy. Pure joy. Life. Light. That sparkle in his eye. When I think of Taizi I instantly get a lump in my throat and fight the tears. Sadness. Heart wrenching sadness for my precious baby's first 3 years of life. I cannot wait to see that light in those eyes!
I was talking to a friend yesterday and I remembered she's going to Hawaii in October. I said "I can't believe you are going to HI in October...and I'm jealous..." she never hesitated...."Janice...you are going to CHINA in October...!"
Whoa...this is happening.