I'm one very decisive person. My dad used to always say "she's quiet but when she makes up her mind, there's no moving her!".
Why am I having such a difficult time finding peace with these decisions.
We just spoke to our agency about final fees and they are higher than anticipated. They increase $1500 (besides flights) to take Azlan with us. We did not count on this and this makes me question everything about taking him. What increased...? Well while we are insisting we can comfortably stay in one hotel room...not all hotels will let us. They may require us to have a suite. Guide fees, meals etc increase.
So it would be costing us his flight ($1000 ish ... if we can book it soon! Otherwise may be $1500) plus $1500 in country fees.
I feel we are back to square one a bit. Maybe... we are not. Maybe ...we aren't supposed to be looking at these numbers. Maybe... we just really need some clarification. Maybe... waking up to God's hand written note on my wall would solve all of this. Maybe...faith...is really difficult. Maybe...it's easier to punch numbers and write a check and go with what you can. Maybe...none of this would even be happening if that were the case.
Maybe...I need date night with my husband. :)
Maybe...it's time to put out a fleece again. Have God very clearly answer us. Because what I DO know is we aren't supposed to be stressing about it. No anxiety. So I need to let go of that. And see what God really wants us to do.
I just received another update from LIFESONG regarding our account so the funds can be sent to Lifeline for those final fees. I pray everytime I open that email from them and I pray every time I see the updated report. To YOU...who continue to give generously...someday I truly pray you will get the opportunity to meet these precious children in person and see what you were a part of. If not...I know in Heaven you will. Our hearts are touched. Thankful.
Many of you have written me with your words of wisdom and I appreciate that and am totally open to hearing what you have to say. Maybe God will speak through you.
One thing I know...I could use peace in all of this.
Wait...it DOES feel like chaos...
I don't want the Peace to get buried in the chaos.
Pray for us.