Monday, October 22, 2012


Psalm 33

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise Him.

Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to Him on the ten stringed lyre.

Sing to Him a new song;
play skillfully and shout for joy.

For the word of the Lord is right and true;
He is faithful in all He does.

The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of His unfailing love.

By the word of the Lord were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of His mouth.

He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
He puts the deep into storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the Lord;
let all the people of the world revere Him.

For He spoke and it came to be;
He commanded and it stood firm.

The Lord foils the plans of the nations;
He thwarts the purposed of the peoples.

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,
the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people He chose for His inheritance.

From Heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind;
from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth

He who forms the hearts of all
who considers everything they do.

No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great cannot save.

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him,
on those whose hope is in His unfailing love,
to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.

In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.

May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in You.

A friend texted me to read this chapter.

In all what I'm feeling and constantly surrendering ... God keeps bringing me back to how trustworthy He is.  I thought the financial situation with our African adoption was a test of our we are with travel booked that we have pay for tonight...and waiting on God to provide.  He keeps gently bringing me back to His promises...His power...what He did by just merely anything too hard for Him? Yes Janice...I know you can't do this.  You are totally stuck. Forced to rely on me.  No other options right now.
Wasn't that how it was in Africa? When I felt like I couldn't breathe one more day without Dean and our children...that was when I hit rock bottom and realized God is the only One that should make me feel like that. He should be my everything. To realize my husband and children were idols...and have no one to rely on but God...changed everything.  It was one of the hardest realizations...b/c it wasn't 'after the fact'. It was in the heat of it with no end in sight. I had no return date. I had no idea how long I was going to be there. I knew I was going to miss by baby's second birthday at home. I felt like I couldn't breathe.  Yet it was only God who I really needed.  If He is really my everything...then something had to change.

Here we are. A different situation.  Yet totally being tested.  Am I doubting that He called us? No. Am I doubting He will provide? In the moment...yes. But deep  I know that I know that this was all Him.  It wasn't about us in the beginning. As one friend said to me "if our adoption had costed $8,000 or $80,000...nothing changed. We didn't have either".  Well $4,000 would have been doable ...but $42,000 or $44,  Not a chance.

So all the way to the end...we trust You.  May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord...even as we put our hope in You.

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