Do you ever stop and think how mind-blowing it is that God hears you? That He sees you? Not just 'sees' but looks at ... you? Not just hears you in a sea of voices...but hears...you? That he knows...you...?
I find that thought overwhelmingly humbling.
3 nights ago I got into bed. Tired. It was well past midnight. I could see my Bible on my bed. I felt rather empty. Small faith. Too many decisions. Big decisions. That we have to make. I got into bed and started talking to God. And suddenly I felt small. Really small. Am I really going to pour out my heart...to God...again...?
I could feel this pull..."read. You need to read tonight".
I sat up and got my Bible.
My reading is in 2 Samuel 7.
7:18 (David's prayer)
-Who am I, O Sovereign Lord...and what is my family that you have brought me this far?
Talk about something...for me...! I was blown away. Yes this is how I'm feeling, Lord.
-And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign Lord?
-O Sovereign Lord, you are God!
Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.
Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign Lord, have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever.
I closed by Bible. Laid down. And starting talking to God. Feeling small? Always. Knowing how loved I am...? Absolutely.
"Is this your usual way of dealing with man...?"
The next night we were going out for a free dinner with our friends.
On our way home we got talking about faith. Mustard-seed-faith. My friend and I talked about a challenge...have you ever prayed and even told God how tiny your faith is..but asked for something big...?
So when we got home I tucked Tirzah in bed. She was sad about the lack of a TA. So we prayed. A mama and her baby girl. I told God we only have mustard-seed-sized faith ...but here we are. We know You have brought us this far. We are asking for a miracle. Show us a miracle.
That was 9:40pm.
I came downstairs and sat down on the couch with Dean. My phone beeped alerting me that an email had come in.
A friend living on the other side of the world wrote to say she was sending a large donation to our adoption.
I had chills from head to toe.
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
We didn't ask her. We didn't communicate with her. We didn't send her a Both Hands letter. Nothing.
She felt moved by God to write us and let us know.
Just 12 minutes after I prayed with my little girl with mustard-seed-sized-faith.
"Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant".