This morning we spent quite a bit of time pouring out our hearts. To each other and to a confidant. (I hope you are blessed with someone in your life that you can call confidant. What a gift she has been to me.)
Our cry has been: but the funds are not there.
Back 2 weeks ago we called out and God answered.
He showed us Azlan was to come with us to China.
The very next day, we received an anonymous donation specifically for Azlan's airfare.
That was a confirmation that God had indeed said yes.
Then we found out costs were higher than we anticipated.
So we questioned everything.
We wanted an answer in dollars.
If the money is there...the answer is yes.
Wouldn't that be easy for Yours Truly...? Yes, why yes it would.
The money is not there.
The decision needs to be made today.
Mind you....the money is not there for Dean and I to go either. We are short. In the big picture of the overall cost of this adoption...not by much. But when you don't have it...it's a lot to be short.
Back up to yesterday.
I poured out my heart to a friend talking about all the 'what ifs' in my mind about taking Azlan.
They can be broken down into 2 things. 1. Money. 2. sicknesses he would be exposed to in China.
Last night, late last night, that same friend texted me this "Psalm 91". I replied..."you want me to read it..." and she said "yep".
I pulled it up on my phone which 'just so happened' to be in the NLT version. I never read that version but that's what I read last night.
Here it is: PSALM 91
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the LORD:
-He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
-He is my God, and I trust Him.
.For He will rescue you from ever trap and protect you from deadly disease.
He will cover you with His feathers.
He will shelter you with His wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.
Just open your eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.
If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter,
No evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you wont' even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
The LORD says "I will rescue those who love Me. I will protect those who trust in My name.
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.
Wow. That was in my friend's reading and she knew it was for me.
A direct response to my question earlier in the day.
Then my friend posted on my blog yesterday with the quote:
If you are waiting on a bus...you are watching for the bus.
If you are waiting on God...you are watching for God.
As I was talking to my confidant this morning...mid sentence....it hit me.
Janice...are you really waiting on Me? Are you watching for Me?
I answered your cry 2 weeks ago. Then I confirmed it with the anonymous donation for Azlan.
I answered your cry yesterday about illness and promised my protection.
Are you watching for Me? Or do I have to answer the way you want me to...? Just put the funds in your account NOW so no more faith is required...?
I texted a friend this morning that this feels like a giant leap of faith. Her reply was "It has ALL been a leap of faith. Phil. 4:6
Don't worry about anything; instead...pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done.
And when Dean and I were talking and I remembered her text...it was crystal clear. The faith journey is not over. Nor will it be in the near future. Why is this one so hard? It's ALL a leap of faith.
Psalm 91 verse 2.
He is my God.
And I trust Him.