Monday, November 12, 2012

11/12/12

Gotcha day.
It started after 7am (no complaints here). We did breakfast and then walked outside for a bit.  The temperature is so much cooler than it was that first day.  
We visited with a family today that just adopted a 20 month old baby boy with a bilateral (both sides) cleft lip and palate, not yet operated. Oh he is beautiful. We talked for quite a bit.  
We did groceries (juice...Coke for this Mama...yah yah I don't do it everyday ;) and Kinder Eggs for our gotcha moment.
We came home and put Izrael to bed. Not a peep from her. Poor girl didn't get the same 3 hours she got yesterday b/c we had to meet in the lobby at 2 today.  We all got ready, packed our bags and headed downstairs.  I love seeing all the expressions on everyone's faces as they get ready for a life changing moment.  We rode a bus which Azlan was very excited about ;)  
When we arrived it was a very pretty room...but very hot.  We were warned. There were a ton of people in the room which only added to the temperature.  We could see a room straight ahead of where I was sitting that had a curtain and a ton of children in there with a few adults. There was a little boy sitting on a stool in a green and grey striped sweater that just sat there the whole time. At one point he turned around and just stared at me. Our eyes locked. I couldn't stop thinking about this was the most beautiful little boy I had seen.  He was precious. He had jet black hair that was all spiked and he was holding his hands on his lap. Not talking with the other children, just quiet. I told Dean and the boy turned. He asked if it was Zihao and I said "no...it's not but he's gorgeous and he just kept staring at me".

The first family was called and we watched all the emotion as their child was brought out to them. I was crying. Dean may have gotten a bit emotional as well. It was such incredible moments. Life altering moments. And we were witnesses.

One by one. By one.  Some screaming (and screaming) some quiet and smiley. One little girl looked no older than 10 months except she was walking and she ran and jumped into her new Mama's arms! It was the gotcha moment that is one in a million :) 
Another was adorable. She was smiling and cute and no trauma at all. Until an hour later and she completely lost it. It was actually a relief for her new parents to see the emotion.

Then I heard "WALKER". My heart skipped a beat... I'm sure.  And in a moment I'll never forget...the most gorgeous little boy with the head of black spikey hair, wearing a green and grey sweater was holding a ladies hand.  I had my hand over my mouth. I couldn't believe it was him. It was Zihao, our son, I had locked eyes with. It was that little boy that was so physically beautiful I couldn't take my eyes of him...it was him.  
We have been told he is very shy and it was so visible.  He was crying but silently. He was saying no. He was pulling back. I just stayed there waiting for the Director to take him. Finally I picked him up and he was sobbing.  Sobbing. In silent, non wailing, gut wrenching, entire body shaking...sobs.  I instantly started crying.  He snuggled into my shoulder and cried and cried. And cried.  It was such a sad moment.  That shy little look that knew this was the moment. He knew it was us. He recognized us. He knew and here it was.  

I cried and cried as he mourned.  When I started to sit down he cried louder so we stood. It had to be 45minutes to an hour. He didn't stop crying. Still clutching his bag of jelly beans, nose running down my shoulder, crying.  

Finally I got the photo album we had sent him out of his bag. He opened his eyes to look. I showed him the picture of Mama and Baba (Daddy).  He connected.  I showed him Azlan. I showed him Izrael.  He was shaking from crying for so long but stopped.  I, in slow motion, started to sit down. He snugged his head into my shoulder but didn't cry.  I got his back pack and one by one started pulling little toy bugs out. I dropped one. He bent down to get it.  :)

And within a few minutes he was sitting, playing, laughing.  

It had to be the longest hour ever.  For him and us.  We just mourned together. I never tried toys or distractions.  We just sobbed. Together. All I could say over and over and over again was "I'm sorry baby...I'm sorry".  Yes he has an amazing life ahead of him. Yes he's going to love his new family and they will adore him. But in this moment...he was grieving.  And so was I. For him.

We are at the hotel almost ready for bedtime. I posted early tonight. Before my brain turned to mush. And good news...pictures loaded super fast! :)

November 12, 2012.  The day we went to a family of 11.  Welcome home, baby boy. Welcome home.






Here we are waiting in the room where all the families are.  (Taizi was with Daddy)

Azlan (SO excited) and Mama


Here he is...walking out of the room with the director


Please don't make me go :(


Mama crying as hard as Zihao :(


Crying together


Oh break my heart.

:(


One of the most emotional pictures for me.


Still crying into my shoulder


Showing him his little photo album that we sent him...and it's us :)


Bugs!


:)


He came to life!


:)


So beautiful.


Shoes. We love shoes :)


Waiting for the bus


Family


The bus ride. Azlan adores him!




Walking in the hotel with Mama


8 comments:

  1. Oh my. Such a tear jerker... yet so beautiful. Heart breaking yet heart full. Love that Zihao is in your arms now and you have both your boys! Hoping you had a good night and praying for you all as he wakes up today and faces his new reality again... so good Azlan is there to help keep him company. Love to you all.

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  2. Beautiful. The whole thing. Inside and out. Continuing to pray for you all and giving thanks with you. xo

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  3. Praying for you! Thanks for sharing! Will pray that God will heal his little heart emotionally.

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  4. WOW! God is so amazingly good! Praise Him you have your little boys now :)

    Your story brings tears to my eyes. Zihao is so adorable and how awesome that he was the beautiful little boy you locked eyes with... he probably recognized you then :)

    Both your new little boys are so beautiful ... just like the rest of your family :)

    Praying for you guys! For the rest of your trip, for the boys, for the kids here, etc.

    THANK YOU so much for sharing this important time in your life with us!

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  5. Simply precious--LOVE the picture of Dean watching the children play with the bugs, Azlan up on the table--the smile on Dean's face -- beyond words. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and your pictures.
    Karen

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  6. Oh, Janice! God's goodness is astounding! Such a wonderful day for you all. God bless you all and continue to heal your little boys' hearts and emotions. The love of your family will be such a blessing to them. I just pray that God will wipe away all the pain of the past as He brings them into this wonderful life! Love you.

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  7. What an amazing work you are doing!! God bless you, your new boys, & your entire family :). What a blessing you are! Love & prayers Sheryl P

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