Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving x2



Our last day in China.

We spent most of the day in the hotel room making sure we were all rested up for the trip. What a contrast to our trip coming here, where Dean and I had no sleep the night  before.

We did venture out to Pizza Hut for dinner. The jury is still out on whether it was a good or bad idea ;) However, Pizza Hut is way better in China! Their pizza is great but then they have a full menu of Chinese food, cafe and desserts and american food.  I tried the same salad I had a few days ago that sat very well but tonight was different. My stomach is just not having it.

We left to go home and Azlan's flip flop broke. What impeccable timing! The very last day. However we do have other shoes anyway :)  So he had to ride the stroller that Dean was pushing and Zihao was in the ergo on Dean's back. I was pushing Taizi's stroller and carrying Izrael. Oh...tonight the looks turned to stops and stares ;) And well...admittedly...we looked a little 'hands full'.  4 however...is nothing compared to 9 and it has still felt like a vacation every time we go out and only have 4.  That said...give me 9! I can't wait to get home to our other 5.  Ahhh...so close.

We came home...kids are in bed, except Izrael who napped really late.  Taizi being deaf...she can make as much noise as she wants out here and he doesn't flinch.

So yesterday Taizi drank a total of 2 bottles. That was it. And you cannot get more into him no matter how hard you try. Remember this is the only source of liquid and nutrition he gets. 2...?  Today he had drank 1 until tonight...finally took 1 more.  He was laying on the floor before bed and he 'happened' to stick out his tongue.  Dean called me to come look and there's sores all over his tongue.  One right on the tip is rather massive...a large canker sore...? but there were many.  Ahh. Maybe this is the reason he's not eating? What are these from? His fever?  Oh...have we mentioned how ready we are to get home?  He also has this rash starting on his body...Izrael has it too however her immune system is very strong and she only has like 3 spots.  His came out of no where today and are spreading pretty quickly. Some are turning into sores. On his ear, his lip, his arms and hands.

Please ... though it goes without mention...pray for us.  For this flight. In many ways.  I will be a much better mama if this flight is just plain smooth and uneventful.  So that's important.  And for all of us. The children. How they are feeling.  Azlan and Zihao can sleep anywhere. They aren't much of a concern. And Izrael did well on the flight coming. Taizi would be the main concern.  When he starts crying...he's loud and sometimes it takes quite a while to calm him.  Oh ... we just need to get home to America.

And ... on Thanksgiving Day.

To name what we are thankful for right now...this blog might not contain it.

There's a song that often comes to mind and it has a line that says "Surrender is stronger... I don't need to be the hero tonight..." and I think we often think of surrender as the ultimate 'I give up'.
"I can't fight anymore".

How do you picture surrender?

Head bowed low. Arms over your head...but weak. Bent at the elbows.  Look of shame on your face. I give in.  Ok. I guess.

...?

See for me I see surrender as stronger.

Arms high. Stretched over your head. Head up.  Jaw firm.

"Let's do this!"

"Ok. I let go of my plan. Let's do Yours".

All in.

Surrender is stronger.

So tomorrow. We get Thanksgiving Day for 2 full days. We leave here on Thanksgiving day at 1:30pm and 15 hours later we arrive in Pasco, WA on Thanksgiving Day at 2:27pm.  What a day to get to live twice.

I'm thankful that He persisted with our hearts. He could have walked away. He could have said "ok...not you? I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I got this covered. Moving on."

But He didn't.

His grace prevailed.

He persisted.

He asked again.

And when we said "ok...later. We get it. Just not now".

He didn't give up.

But He didn't give up on Moses either.

Can you imagine telling God "um....I don't speak well" and God replying "I made your mouth!!" and Moses still balking.  ....?

Wait.  While you are still criticizing Moses...are you different?  The reasons we gave God were legit.  But in light of who was asking us...pathetic.  He made us. He knew us.  Every detail.

For Zihao and Taizi.  For God taking the most horrific situation imaginable ... forsaken by your birth parents....and making something beautiful.  That is redemption.

For Dean. Oh I'm so thankful for Dean.  For God working in his heart and breaking it for what breaks His.

For each child He Himself has given us.  In the end ... it's all about Him. That we can stand...and we will...each of us...before Him...and answer to Him...alone...what we have done with what He has given us.  Dean has mentioned several times on this trip the verse that keeps coming to his mind "to whom much is given...much is required".

Are you blessed? You know what I mean. Really blessed.  Financially blessed?  Every good thing comes from God.  And to whom much is given. Much is required.

And on this double-dose-Thanksgiving-Day...we are thankful for this very very unexpected threw-us-completely-of-our-groove baby that's on the way.  He is such a good Dad.  He only gives good things. His timing...is perfect.  He sees the end. He wrote the story!  Of course He knows how it ends.  And in the end...we too will say "remember how shocked and thrown off we were in China...? We can't imagine our lives any other way".

Beyond every physical thing He has given us...the most unmerited...purely-by-undeserved-grace-alone-gift...is that from Heaven He saw me. He saw my need. And He said "send my Son".  Jesus came. Lived. (Perfectly).  Died. (Unjustly) Freed me forever.  (Amazing grace!)  Someone had to pay for my sin.  The requirement was steep. Perfection.  No sin. Lived...and yet no sin.  Only one man had ever done it.  Jesus.  So He did it.  And forever...I will thank Him for paying my way.  Every other 'thanksgiving' pales in comparison.

Goodnight from China. Day 22 of this journey.  Oh day 23 how thankful I am for you!

***Added:

I started humming after I blogged this post and just asked Dean to name the song b/c it's driving me crazy. I love when God gives me this song that's oh-so-perfect for the moment.  Here it is:

Times by Tenth Avenue North (google it on YouTube. Listen to it)

"Times"

I know I need You
I need to love You
I'd love to see You but it's been so long 

I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
I need to hear You
Is that so wrong

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

Now You pull me near You
When we're close I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell you all that I've done 

Are You done forgiving
Or can You look past my pretending, Lord
I'm so tired of defending what I've become
What have I become

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh 

I hear You say
My love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between 

The times that you doubt me
When you can't feel
The times that you question
Is this for real 

The times you're broken
The times that you mend
The times you hate me
And the times that you bend 

Well my love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between 

The times that you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace 

The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal 

In times of confusion
In chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame 

I'm there through your heart-ache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone 

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends
It never ends, mmmm




7 comments:

  1. I am SO excited that Day 23 is here for you!! Your trip home and now the new complications with Taizi's health.... well, you're never very far from my thoughts... Praying!! And looking forward so much to your update that you are all together again - all 9 of you with 10 growing inside... :) :) Happy Thanksgiving friend! x0x

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  2. I have never posted a comment here. I just found your amazing blog and I can not wait for the long weekend so I have some time to go back to beginning. I am saying a prayer for your travel back home. God Bless.

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  3. God bless you all. Safe travels home and Happy Thanksgiving x's 2. Read a lot of your blog last night and stopped because the tears were blurring my vision too much. Just humbling. And so convicting. In so many good ways. God continues to break my heart for what breaks his and I see things anew when I just say yes. Thank you for being so open and honest and such a servant of God.

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  4. You have never been far from my thoughts and prayers these past three weeks - God bring you safely back home to the rest of your family and I will continue to read your blog and be uplifted. Thank you for taking me with you through it all - it has been amazing! - Hazel

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  5. Hi! It's actually Siobhan... But I didn't have a way to show my name. When I read this I immediately thought of hand-foot-and-mouth disease for poor Taizi! Sores on hands feet and face, with sores in mouth is so classic. No real help,, though, cause there's nothing to be done but ride it out. Praying, as always! :) what an amazing journey this has been!!

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  6. Siobhan someone else suggested that and I agree. Sounds like it. Better than the possibilities that were in my mind!

    Thank you all for posting. For caring. For reading and most importantly for praying.

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  7. Love what you said about Jesus' sacrifice for us...may just have to copy that onto my blog. :) I agree- sounds like Taizi may have HFM syndrome. You can try dabbing some liquid benadryl mixed with liquid maalox on the sores in his mouth to help with the discomfort. Praying for a safe trip home!!

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