Today hearing the devastating news of 20 children murdered...literally mowed down by a near-kid himself...right in their classroom...has most of us left speechless.
The contrast of today was so vivid. I spent a few hours visiting friends, pregnant with their first children, adorable twin girls...fighting for their lives in the hospital. Begging God for a miracle...a Christmas miracle.
Then I went from their room down the hall to another friend's room. She too...on bedrest for weeks...only able to see her 1.5 year old daughter for an hour each night...as she fights for the life of her unborn child. She has made it to over 28 weeks now (her little girl was born at 29w!) and she's begging God for a few more weeks. Her heart is clear...crystal clear...'whatever it takes...I'll do whatever it takes for my child.'.
I brought Taizi to the hospital with me for these visits today. When I put him into the car he clung to me...putting his tiny fingers into my hair and scrunching my pony tail. He loves doing that. As I held him close and felt his growing...but still so frail...body...I was struck with the price that was paid for his life. How our family worked so hard for 14 months to see every penny miraculously come in...for the leap of faith it was...the oh-so-giant leap of faith that many couldn't begin to support let alone comprehend...the emotional journey to China for 23 days and having to leave our 5 children behind...the tears that were shed almost every night with the literal, physical pain in my chest of missing them so deeply it felt un-doable....the price that was paid...for one of many of China's 'castaways'. His value was so great to the heart of God...that it was worth every bit. Tonight he is our child. He is loved, he is cherished, he...he belongs.
And tonight...the 20 young lives that were thrown into eternity by the selfish, pure evil acts of one.
My mind can't fathom it. But for those of you wondering where is God...? He is broken. His heart breaks with the broken. He draws near to them. He alone can mend their hearts. And He offers a peace that they themselves can't understand.
His love is over. And underneath.