Big baby steps.
So today Dean and I were sitting in the living room and I sat Taizi on the floor. He was rolling from side to side staring at the ceiling. You can totally tell what he's looked at for most of his days...for years. He always just watches the ceiling :( Well he sat...and then we started talking and I looked over at Taizi to see him crawling on a mission. He went to Izrael's toy ride on train, stopped right in front of it...and leaned into the wagon and took out 2 blocks. He then did all sorts of hand movements with the blocks. We were just watching. Then he leaned his whole head in an exaggerated fashion into the wagon to see more blocks. And one by one...he pulled them out.
I looked at Dean who was clearly thinking along the same lines as me. He quickly said "See that is big. That is big big progress. That's amazing".
I don't want this small picture to make you think he's acting like this all day. This is a first. 99% of his days are rolling, staring at his hands...us putting toys in his hands...him throwing them and staring at his hands...us putting something to stimulate him in his hands...him dropping it....him sliding to the wood floor and rolling his head back and forth on the wood floor....singing his little tune and staring at the ceiling...me taking him back to the carpet and sitting him in front of blocks...him rolling to the floor and rolling his head on the wood floor...me putting him back on the carpet. You get the picture.
Every now and then we get a glimmer of hope.
Hope that there is more going on inside that little head than 99% of his awake moments would tell us.
It's just that 1%.
It makes our jaws drop. And all the forcing ourselves not to think about the tomorrows that seem so daunting and progress-less...
That one moment changes everything and breathes something called HOPE into our lives.
We are no different than you.
Our minds can travel further than they should into the land of quickly seeing him at 5 years...7 years...9 years...12 years...15 years...22 years...still in a diaper. Still the same motions. Still....
And then that glimmer of HOPE comes into view.