I woke several times in the night last night singing. I was singing a children's song by The Rizers. We love that group as they sing Bible verses and really help our children with memorizing scripture.
Last night I kept waking singing one we don't even listen to very often.
The line was this: "Let the children come to me..."
Over and over and over and over again.
I felt exhausted from it this morning. And confused.
So I prayed...whatever this means...yes. I'm with You.
Then it hit me. What if He's saying one of them is literally going to come to Him soon..? And instantly I could feel panic.
Tonight I went to get into bed and my heart feels heavy.
Could I ever survive such a loss...? Could my heart handle ever saying good bye 'too soon' to one of our children...?
As I was crying out to God...sitting here feeding sweet Nazara as Dean and Izrael sleep in my view...the line from Tirzah's favorite song came out of my mouth...
"we can trust our God...He knows what He's doing...
though it might hurt now...
we won't be ruined!...
He is with us...He is with us...Always...Always..."
And again I'm stopped in my tracks. Every time I think a panicky thought of 'what if'...He answers it with ...You can trust Me.
So for today...I will love like there's no tomorrow. None of us know what lies around the corner. We only have today.
I have much to update on ... we have had company here and my sister is still here from Canada. We are doing lots of fun things and tomorrow plan on going out on the river again. I'll update soon.