He's growing up. Exactly why my heart hurt for this surgery...because he's growing up.
With growing up...comes hard things.
Learning how to process your thoughts and feelings in far too often...a very cold, cold world.
Besides the miracle of no pain...truly a miracle by the way...is the miracle of how he is really doing.
Last night he laid on our bed and I went up and laid in the dark with him. He just kept looking at me with that smile. We talked for a long time. About hard things. And purpose. And I must have leaned over and kissed his forehead 8 or 9 times in our talk. There were plenty of those kind of moments.
The moments when a word simply wouldn't do and instead...a kiss said what needed to be said...and what couldn't be said.
Oh how I love this boy. I have always adored him. Always. He's always needed an extra dose of Mama's heart...and he's always had it. No I don't favor him or give him special treatment. Yes I really had to say that because...yes...I've really had people tell me not to. And that's ok. To those people...you should really meet him. Because then you would know.
Azlan shines. He shines from the inside out.
There is a sparkle in his eye that gets lots of questions. The dentist has asked "what is it?" the doctor has said "wow...he shines" and people just meeting him have said "he has this special sparkle in his eye". And he does. And that isn't just those beautiful eyes he got from his daddy...though they melt me every time. This is something from the inside.
A deep knowledge that he is ... enough.
Think about that. Couldn't we all use a dose of "enough"...?
Life is hard.
People are hard.
What if we truly believed we were simply...enough...?
Not enough as in "no need for improvement". Nor..."I guess I'll do."
Enough as in...not in a competition. Not "-er". You know what I mean. How often do we think "if only I was ______-er...." ....? What if we could live without "-er"...?
Azlan has never asked "why me?". Ever. He's never looked at the others and said "no fair".
We talked about this last night. I asked him if if thinks that way and he looked at me and said "no...why?" :)
He is more serious. More subdued. But beautiful. And witty. And he's becoming the real Azlan. He's finding out who he is and all the while knowing...he is ... enough.