Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Pumpkin Spice and a really good cry.

Yes...it's 11:30 pm and yes...I just sat down with a cup of coffee. No it's definitely not decaf.  

That sounds really tough but honestly caffeine doesn't affect me in any way. 

We just came in from outside. 

I got off the phone with the plastic surgeon on call at Children's and immediately walked outside into the dark...put my head in my hands ... and cried.

Dean followed me. He held me as I had a good...deep...cry.

We sent a photo to the doctor on call and I talked about the smell coming from his mouth. I've honestly never smelled anything like it. No amount of people telling me "mouth surgeries can make your breath smell bad" could eliminate my concerns.  This...? We can smell it a room away and it's unlike anything I've ever smelled.  Something...something smells like it is dying. 

Then the photo.  There is something wrong with his mouth.  I'm seeing something I should not be seeing.  That...is for sure.

She talked to me then said she would call me back after she viewed the photo.

She called back in 2 minutes and said "yes...you are correct. Something is wrong."

We talked for a few minutes, she does not believe he is at risk for anything serious. She gave us a list of things to watch for but said we will keep his appt with the surgeon for Friday morning (locally...amazing! He is coming to our city to do a local clinic and they got us an early appt).  

When I asked more questions she said "yes." "No." "yes..." "Yes that would be correct." in all the places I didn't want to hear it.

She said the smell seems to be from the bone...dying.  

From the photo she said it appears as if the gums are open and we are indeed viewing the bone graft very visibly.

As only a realist would ask... I said "tell me what we are looking at. What is done from here." and she replied "we will have to take it all out and start over."  Of course she reminded me she's basing this off a photo but we assured her it's more extreme in person than the photo shows (try getting an iPhone in your child's mouth for a picture).

Tonight...it's Pumpkin Spice coffee...staring at this beautiful face...and a whole lot of Jesus.


  1. I do not post on blogs generally, but this seems so disheartening. We know God is still in control, and will commend you into His loving care so that He can give you a sense of peace in all of this. With love and prayers, Marcus and Alison

  2. Thank you. Thank you. Hard things...all things through Christ who strengthens me. All things.

  3. Joining you in tears and prayers ... without the coffee!

  4. Hang in there! Praying for a miracle for this precious boy! Hugs!

  5. Janice and Dean, I have no words to express what I feel. Just please know that I am lifting you up in persistent prayer. I can only imagine the glory that must be to follow such a deep trial. Your precious little man is such a soldier! I know he doesn't know me, but please hug him for me.
    Love and prayers, Kathleen

  6. Praying for healing for your precious little boy.

  7. Crying for you . . . and praying.

  8. I don't know what to say... my heart aches for you and Dean... and Azlan... praying for a miracle. Praying for your peace and strength and wisdom. And asking God to give you each an extra dose of faith and courage. Love and prayers to you. x0x

  9. Heartbreaking. But Jesus holds your hearts.

  10. Thank you. Thank you for caring...for praying. Thank you.

  11. So so sad to hear this news. Praying for peace, for healing, for a miracle. Hugs

  12. Such a beautiful child. We don't know what God's plan is for us, but one thing we know for sure and that is that He loves us and He loves your little boy. As His child He will do whatever is best even though we, as humans, don't always understand. Prayers for healing, grace, and peace.