Monday, November 24, 2014

A bigger tool box.

Do you look back on your life...and see pain? Like...a lot of pain?

Betrayal...?

Rejection...?

Loss...?

Pain...?

I recently went through something...painful.  As in...a lot of tears. A lot of questions.  A lot of hurt.

It was my husband who came to me with this thought: "What if pain...builds you a bigger tool box?"

Hmmm.

He then went back and reflected on our three babies that we lost early in pregnancy.  These are some of the lowest points of my life.  I still feel the knot in my stomach when we talk about it.  How can anything good come from losing your baby? Losing three of them.  No. There's nothing good in that.

Right...?

Dean reminded me how many moms that I've been able to encourage through that same loss...years later.

He then said "You'd never have that tool...had you not gone through that pain and loss."

Hmmmm.

He was a contractor for years so he kept bringing it back to construction lingo. "Everyone has a hammer, screwdriver, you know...the basics.  But when some strange pipe bursts in your house and you run out to grab this specialized tool...that you would never ever have had...had that random incident not occurred....

That tool that you don't know if you'll ever need again...

but you will.

He didn't need to go on.  I got it.

Could betrayal give you a tool that you would never ever have needed otherwise?

Could you learn forgiveness, coping, and healing from that horrible incident in your life...that you never would have had otherwise...?

Could I even let myself go to this place of truly seeing purpose in all things?

There's a line.  I do not believe that "God gave you a cheating husband so that..." No.  No He's not the giver of bad things. That's a fact.  Sin is the reason for the pain. But could He allow the pain so that we can learn the skills, acquire the tools necessary...and someday...yes....some day...you will see a greater purpose.  A need for those tools that you might even be able to say "I'm so glad I have something to help..."

Hmmm.

Instead of asking "why? Why me...?" instead of screaming "I'm done!" "I give up!" what if I really saw pain...as a way to build my tool box. Of rare, but yet...oh-so-usefull tools.  That someday...perhaps years down the road....I'll see a greater purpose for.

Hmmm.

Life is hard. Full of hard things.  Pain.  Deep...cutting...pain.  Fighting the sting of lies...gossip...forgiving over and over again...choosing to overcome when it goes against every part of your being...fighting a disease that might take your life...hard...things.

Then I saw this. You know. Just-so-happened to see this online.

Yes.  A broken life...is what can change the world.  Our brokenness we so want to run and hide from...that's what offers hope to a hurting friend.  Pain filled nights...survived...give hope to a friend going through unimaginable loss.   

Pain.

Hurt.

Loss.

Brokenness.

Healing. 

Overcoming.

Hope.

I feel...like I have a full toolbox.  I can honestly say...I don't want any more tools in there.  Yet...I have a feeling...there's more to come.  Pain can be such a powerful teacher.  If we let it be.



5 comments:

  1. LOVE it, Janice! Though I AM sorry you're going through --and have been through hard times... I appreciate your sharing and genuineness. To be honest, after my comment last time, I briefly worried, what if I shared too much and she thinks I'm some "nut-case?" I always appreciate it when people share the hard stuff as well as the joyful times in their life. I guess because reality is, we all have both! Hugs and prayers, Lori

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  2. Oh Lori don't ever feel that way with me. I would never think you a nut case. Hard stuff is what makes us who we are. Like it or not, right? :( Someday you and I will look back on our lives and maybe...even...be thankful for the hard things. <3

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  3. Thanks Janice... I hope you have a peaceful night!

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  4. Hey Janice, I am thinking of you and your family and praying all is well. Your blog is pretty quiet these days but hopefully you are just busy! Take care and hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Lori

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  5. Just to say hello, & let you know you've been on my mind. I wish you & your family a Merry Christmas!!

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