Thursday, October 29, 2015

Do not become...weary.

Today this verse has played over and over in my head. It has been a few months since I read I will take it as a whisper from God.

I need it today. not become weary. Do not become weary ... in doing good.

Have you ever done something for a long time and you just grit your teeth and get through it...then as soon as there is hope of things changing...light at the end of the find it so hard to keep going?

Yeah. That.

Like when we moved into our small rental home very, very temporarily...but it dragged out much longer than we thought.  And we did it.  Without complaints.  Until now.  The house is almost done. The light is at the end of the tunnel. We can see the end...and's so very hard to be ... here.

That's where I am with Taizi. feels even harder.  We still have a very long road ahead to get help and care.  No prescriptions can be given quite yet.  Whether I agree with it or's the way it is.  SO yes, he still woke with new bruises on his face this morning and he has been hitting himself ever since we left Children's on Monday.  It's a process. And now we get to the back of the line.

And's much harder now.  Now that I know I'm not crazy and that his needs are it's much harder to wait.  

Do you relate with that at all?

Something I've realized in writing my thoughts for you all to that though our circumstances vary greatly...often the same lessons are being taught.  Whether it's being stuck in the land in between in your living arrangements...your job...your marriage...

Do not...become weary in doing...good.


But...I am.  I am weary. I am... tired.

When Taizi threw his breakfast on the floor for the fifth time this morning... and I calmly pointed for him to get down to the floor to get it...and he's shaking his head and limbs and hysterically laughing the whole time...and whacking himself so hard I'm ducking to not get hit....then he dumps his water on him and me...


We are on minute 55 of just trying to get food into him this morning....


I fall back to my knees. My head in my hands.  Just...sitting.  

In that moment...I hear a soft, gentle whisper of a good Dad who loves me so deeply.

"Oh Janice.  Do not...become weary. You are doing not allow yourself to become weary..."

Suggesting somehow...that I have control over it.  Hmmmm.

Or do I?

If He says "do not..." then surely I have control over it happening or not...right?

I smile. Perhaps only inwardly.  Put my shoulders back...remind myself that I can indeed do hard things. Even this.  And I can do it...without becoming weary.  I can be whole hearted. Not robotic.  No. A whole hearted do-er.  

My brain rapidly searches for things to be thankful for. They won't be related to breakfast. Not today.

But...I did walk into his room as his pajamas and blankets were thrown out of his bed and the diaper was inevitably next.  And it was full of explosive diarrhea. SO yes. I am thankful I walked in in THAT moment.  Just before the next step happened.  I can choose thankfulness there.

As I sit reading Galations over hits me that someone else needs this message today. don't have a Taizi.  But are weary.  And you feel yourself giving in.


Hold on.  

Help is coming.

And if you cannot see it...please...please just go walk in your front door and look up.  Look up into the sky.  It's so very big. And suddenly you see how very small you and this situation is.  If God can keep all of that in situation is not too big for Him.

Yes. Yes I do that...lots.  In my despair...I look up.  

Psalms 121:1.  One of my favorites. 

I look to the hills...where does my help come from? 

Do not become weary in doing good. At the proper time, we will reap the harvest if we do not give up.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Small gifts.

I have learned to really tune in to the details in life and try to recognize the gifts. So easily easily overlooked.

For's the gift of a precious little 2 year old girl that potty trained herself.  I couldn't miss this gift if I tried. I dread that task. I've done it many times and to hear your little girl say "I have to go potty" and put her there and have her go...well...yes.  All morning she has done that.  On her own.

Our days are filled with small gifts. Things we will someday look back on and only hope to remember. The little things that made us smile. That made us look toward Heaven and whisper..."thank you, I needed that".'s a small gift but in my life of juggling 'hard things'...but I take it as a kiss from Heaven.

Monday, October 26, 2015


Ahhh. Today was THE day.  A day I forgot about until I was reminded by the Children's Hospital recording but...nevertheless, we made it. :)

We were in the van before 5am with all 12 of us. It was dark, the children were all excited and off we went.  And as we did, we smiled to each other that the kids are excited to do these mundane days with us.

We arrived at the Autism Clinic for our 9am appt.  I went in with Taizi. Dean stayed in the waiting room with the other 9.  (My job was much harder, we both agree on that one! :)

We first saw the speech pathologist. Then the behavioral psychologist. Then the psychiatrist.

Each one was amazing.

Taizi was Taizi.  He bit me several times. He grabbed my hands to bite my ring.  He head butted me multiple times. He kept banging his head HARD on the arm of the chair over and over and over. He hit his face with closed fist  many many times.  He sat gasping air, spitting, crossing his eyes and shaking his arms and legs.

Several times the doctor yelped as I was about to get my jaw smashed with his head.

He was not in distress. He was laughing. Semi crying.  Chewing his tongue. Just being Taizi.

All through the discussions they were watching closely.

Then we got to the last doctor. She was really sweet. I never know the responses I will get...IN Seattle...when they find out we have 10 children. But this team? They were so wonderful.  She kept saying "I really feel I just want to get to know you...and see how you can be so amazing".  Amazing, huh?  Sigh.

Just yesterday I was feeding Taizi and he was spewing his food everywhere and then proceeded to dump his water everywhere...while going frantic with his arms and legs and almost wacking me every few seconds.  Tirzah was there watching and I was smiling. Like...a forced smile. She said "why are you smiling Mommy?" I told her I've learned that I can indeed do hard things but now I'm trying to focus on doing hard things...with joy.  She said "oh that must be very hard. It looks like you are forcing your smile" I assured her that I was but I'm sure that if I force it enough, it will soon become natural.  She smiled.

After several hours in these appts we were told to go for lunch and come back in 1.5 hours. I came back alone to meet with the behavior specialist.

They could not figure out why it took us 3 years to get in to this appt and I assured them the craniofacial team has many frantic recorded voicemails and conversations of me begging for help.  Of waking and seeing more large purple bruises on Taizi's body and begging...for something to help.  They were more than sad to hear, for no known reason, there was zero urgency to get us help.

In fact, when I last spoke to his team I told them our other children feel we are not getting great medical care. I love the team...but really.  She asked why and I said b/c they have seen for 3 years their brother who is extremely sleep deprived and very "self injurious". we are.  And as hard as I pushed...I'll have to trust the timing b/c it was NOT for lack of effort. And...maybe even emotionally charged begging.

In the behavior doctor's words: "Taizi is globally delayed. His file is extensive.  He is also PROFOUNDLY mentally delayed and PROFOUNDLY Self Injurious".

Ok. Let's just pause for a moment.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted just in hearing that.

I wanted to cry.  I felt...validated.  That I wasn't crazy...after all. Yes, he's cute. DOn't get me wrong. But I'm not from a 'medical family'.  I don't have experience with 'mentally delayed' individuals and I've always felt my feelings were tainted by the fact that it's me.  Even Dean has felt that his delays are mild  and very manageable.  Now...that's coming from extensive experience working in an institution for the mentally handicapped.  (Let's not get angry at my choice of words...there is nothing condescending about my words is simply what the institution is.)

Today to hear top professionals in this field state that Taizi should have been at their doorstep THE DAY he was first seen @ Children's for intensive therapy and help.  Made me want to cry. For many reasons.

I try to live focused on "no regrets".  No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I fail.  But I can't go back and think what if someone took me seriously and got us here sooner. They didn't. And I tried. Hard.

Even on his file it says "mother referred child, no doctor referral". Lovely. It's really not the case but perhaps because I was the one insistent on this's appropriate.

We were also told that Taizi's behavior issues are the very very hardest to treat.  As they are "sensory" 98% of the time. In other words, he's not mad, not having a fit, but he injures himself because it feels good.

So much of this behavior was enforced 3.5 years of living in a crib in an orphanage.  Since he is NOT atypical, and has loss of 2 senses (full deaf and partially blind)...combined with profound developmental was much more significant.  A "typical" (Healthy) child could be "loved out of these behaviors" whereas Taizi...cannot.

Let's just go back to that. 3.5 years in a crib, shaped this child into who he is today.  If born into our family would he be typical? NO.  Definitely not.  Not saying that at all. Just saying it was compounded by his very rough start to his life.

So here we are today, in what the doctors referenced as a very "rich environment".  Full of warmth, love, lots of happy, healthy children...but Taizi still has very self injurious behaviors.  You can put him in a room full of toys and he will probably still stare at his fingers and cross his eyes and hit his face.  No amount of color or fun will pull him out of it.

They could not believe we have gotten him eating. Real food. I was told that is very very very difficult to get a child with Taizi's level of disabilities to eat. Table food. Well...many of you remember me blogging about the hours of screams we endured to get here but here we are.

They were shocked. Saddened. And really in total disbelief that he has not been getting disability services.  That we have no help. No home care. No therapists coming to our home.  Nothing.  They said he qualifies for every service at every level.  Full care.

I smiled as I told him my motto is "I can do hard things". He said "is that how you've talked yourself through this?" I smiled he said "this isn't hard...this is intense. And we can't believe you've done it for 3 years".

At least I know by "hard things" ... I wasn't exaggerating.


The plan.

Immediately: sleep study.  Based on his loud snoring and his breathing they witnessed in the office they believe he may have something significant that is interrupting his sleep. (You have no idea how many times I've suggested this and been shrugged off).  They want that done ASAP.

Then they have prescribed meds for sleep but under the care of his cardiologist.

Then meds for just calming him.  Often given to children with profound mental delay.

Then hooking us up with full care disability services in our home once we move in a few months.

Then an intensive 20 week program with this team. Where we will come every week for several hours one day and do intensive behavioral therapy. For 20 weeks in a row.

From there they will hook us up with local behavioral therapists that will come to our home and work together with this team.

When I asked why coming back here for 20 weeks vs local care (only because I know others will ask me that), he said "because this is profound, profound self injurious behaviors and that calls for the best of the best in therapy and I'm it".

Now you see why I feel lighter today.

For three years I've carried the burden that maybe I was just weak. Not strong enough.  Not cut out for this job enough.  That's not it at all. Taizi is not slightly delayed. This is very significant and he needs intense medical help.

So thankful for today.

Friday, October 23, 2015


Big news this morning!!

We are now DTC today!! Meaning our Dossier (huge pile of paperwork) is TO CHINA!

All documents are authenticated and this pile is now on it's way to China! This is a big step!

What is next? In a week or so we wait to hear we are Logged In.  We call it LID or Log In Date.  Meaning it's now entered into the system and the countdown begins for a LOA (Letter of Approval).

We needed a LID of December 15th or we were going to be in trouble with ZhenAi's filed but we are now months ahead of schedule!  So we are doing great.

Our last Chinese adoption, our LOA wait was 77 days from LID. This time they seem to be running really fast.  We will see. We are told it's about 4-5months after LOA to travel.  Honestly, April would work really well for us.

We were just awarded a matching grant of $4000! So we are starting a big holiday Facebook auction on Monday to raise the funds. If you are friends with me on fb, you can be invited to the auction.  Feel free to add me. (Janice Procopio Walker) and send a little private note saying you follow my blog :)

We have just requested a photo update of ZhenAi, hopefully we get one.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

"I can do hard things" ends tomorrow!

This fundraiser ends tomorrow! Click on the link below to see all styles, colors, sizes and prices! All proceeds go to bringing ZhenAi home.

Monday, October 19, 2015

I did it, Mom!

Tirzah came skipping down the stairs last night...holding her bible with the embossed horse on the front cover. "I did it, Mom!" she was beaming.

We both knew what it meant.

This girl...just read the Bible cover to cover.

She looked at me and said "So...someone was wrong. They told me if I read 4 chapters every day I'd do it in a year. But...I started January 1...and it's only October 17th!! So I guess it's 3 chapters a day. Now I know!" :)

She hasn't missed.  No matter how tired she was. If Mommy and Daddy were out of town or not. When she was in Mexico with us. She read 4 chapters every day. One day I remember she read 8 b/c she didn't know if she'd be exhausted the next night from travelling late.

Oh the lessons we could learn.

I asked her a few questions.

Me: Why did you decide to read the whole Bible?
Tirzah: Well it was a good idea to read the Bible because I need to and I thought it would be great to read it in a year.  Even though a year is a long time.

Me: Why did you think it was a good idea though?
Tirzah:  Well, to hear God speak to me.

Me:  Was it hard to stick to your commitment?
Tirzah:  Yah. Sometimes I forgot, only a few times but those times I made sure to read doubt (8 chapters) the next day.

Me:  Did you ever feel like quitting?
Tirzah: Well sometimes only because some of the books are hard to read.

Me: What books were the hardest?
Tirzah: Honestly...Psalms, Romans.  Because I love the books about Jesus...and some were stories, that's easier for me.

Me: Why was Psalms hard?
Tirzah: Well some of it didn't super make sense to me.

Me: Did you understand that it's David's songs to God?
Tirzah: Yes I do know that. Some was Soloman too.

Me: What was your favorite books in the Old Testament?
Tirzah: First and Second Samuel definitely!

Tirzah: I love the story about David and Abigail.

Me: What was your second favorite of the Old Testament?
Tirzah: Well loved reading about Joseph, Abraham and Isaac.  The thing that surprised me was the story of Moses wasn't what I thought, I thought it would be more details. The amount of sacrifices people had to do for their sin also surprised me.

Me: What was your favorite of the New Testament?
Tirzah:  Matthew b/c it was the first I got to hear about Jesus after reading the Bible for months. I was so excited to finally get to the part about Jesus!

Me: Why was that exciting?
Tirzah: It was good because I had been reading the Old Testament for so long and now I got to hear about Jesus and his miracle birth, his miracles he did in his life, how he died for us.

Me: Any other favorites in the NT besides the Gospels?
Tirzah: Yes it would have to be Acts b/c I loved hearing about Peter now telling others about Jesus.

Me: Anything you want to share that you feel you learned that you didn't know before?
Tirzah: Well I learned lot of things. In Moses' story they had to sacrifice so much and they always had to sacrifice their BEST! Like, not the one they wanted to get rid of. That really hit me.  I loved reading bout how so many people had to trust God.
I learned a lot reading about Elijah and Elisha.  That it took so much faith like when the city ran out of food and they believed God and the next day they learned the enemy was gone. They weren't attacked after all.  And there was tons and tons and tons of food!

Me:Did reading the Bible change anything for you?
Tirzah: Well yes I learned I have to trust God more.  Sometimes when I'm afraid, even things like at Silverwood on scary rides, I need to trust God. Because other people trust God with much bigger things. That was something that I really understood when I read the Bible.

Me: Do you think you will learn more by reading the Bible again?
Tirzah: Oh absolutely! I'm going to do this over and over and over again for the rest of my life! I know I will learn every single time!!

Me: I'm super proud of you Tirzah.
Tirzah: Oh thanks Mom.  I'm glad I did it. Do you think we could maybe get donuts for recess like celebrate or something?


Just some wisdom from our not yet 12 year old Tirzah Liberty.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Just 5. You can do 5.

This story is written by one of my personal heroes. Yes. She is. This girl is 15 years old and their family has gone through such a hard, tragic loss. When I found out Azlan was cleft affected @19weeks gestation, Kailyn Loewen's mom, Nichole Loewen, is probably the third person I contacted. Little Noah was cleft affected and we were suddenly forever linked by an incredible bond. I have watched their family go through incredible loss. And pick themselves up and live a life that is nothing short of admirable. After little Noah passed away, they moved their family from Canada to Florida for one main reason: To volunteer with Give Kids The World (Make a Wish) that gave so much joy to their little Noah. Kailyn Loewen has a heart of gold. But she's only 15. I suggested she do a gofundme account to raise money that will supply the food she needs to bless 100 families. She has no idea how amazing she is. She's only 15 and the world could use more Kailyns. It won't take much. Not much at all. $5? $10? 100% of your money will feed poor children. One child...feeding many. I know there are so many gofundme's begging for your attention, but I ask you, from my take a closer look at this one.  Dean Walker and I decided long ago...we couldn't give a lot to everything, so we try to at least give $10 to the ones that tug at our hearts. We've seen the power of $10. At the very least, just read her story.

Could you give $2? $5? Just $5.  I have over 1000 people that read this blog daily. Can you imagine...if you just clicked the link and get $5??? This girl is amazing and she gives of herself 100%.  YOU can make a difference in just giving $5.  

I challenge you.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Chazano won!!

A young 11 year old boy did a grant for siblings to travel to China to adopt their new sibling. Each child had to answer a few questions UNASSISTED (yikes!! haha) and pay $10 to apply.

Well...Chazano won third place and won $300 towards his trip to China!!!

He's so excited.

Here's his application. It's so funny and SO CHAZANO, that I wanted to share it.

1.  My name is Chazano Walker.  I am a twin.  I was born in Africa.  My tummy mom died and my tummy dad never knew me.  My great aunt took care of me.  I was adopted when I was 5 years old.  Now I’m 11.  I remember seeing my new mom come in a airplane. I do remember giving her a hug. I did not know why she did that, I was very confused and little.  And so when my mom went home to America, I was thinking about her. When she came back to Africa, she adopted us and we went to an airplane and we came here to America.  I have 9 siblings.  At first I was very scared to meet this kids and they show me so much. I love this family and I think ZhenAi will like it too. I love sports.

2.  ZhenAi might be smaller than me. I hope she’s not scared of the dark. I hope we will be friends.  I can’t wait to see her soon. I’m really happy that she’ll be adopted by us. I always dreamed of having an adopted sister.  Sometimes I feel afraid but I know my Mom and Dad are with me. My twin brother loves book. I love sports. He’s getting glasses, I’m getting a new haircut.  So we are not alike at all. He’s skinnier and I’m a little tiny bit stronger. I like to run, he likes to read.  Sometimes I think what will we be when we grow up.  I hope we can still be close to all my brothers and sister when we are adults. 

3. I think it’s important to go to China. I will see a whole new world. There’s lots people there but I won’t be afraid. We will go to a hotel and I will see new people.  It’s important that I’m there for ZhenAi so I can give her a hug, but only if she’s not afraid of me. I will never ever forget that day that I get to meet my new sister. She may have some disabilities but I still love her.  

4.  I do laundry, clean the van lots and do lots of chores, clean the shoes and get money for doing those things. I try to help as much as I can. And will do lots more. I take good care of our baby too and even though she’s 2, I do that. The $500 will really help me go to see ZhenAi and will also help me go to in an airplane which I always wanted to do. To look out the window and see the sea. There is one thing I am afraid of! The dark. But it’s ok because my brothers and sisters are with me. So I think of me in Paradise! Sometimes there is someone in my way, it would just be my twin brother, he thinks I’m sleeping when I dream of Heaven so he tries to wake me! 

5. Did I already say I like to play sports? Yes. I do. I am kind of small but I sure jump high and I do big things. My arms are not that big but I do feel like my arms are just fine.  And well what I do is run fast. I am strong and I do run. And I do love to play sports.  I think about the future and every time I try not to be afraid. When I meet new people I try not to be scared instead of say “Hi I’m CHazano and its nice to meet you”. I like doing school and we are building a house. We are going to live n that house and I CANNOT WAIT. I can’t wait to see my new sister see this new house. I wonder if she will think its big or tiny. I remember being scared when I first met my new family so I understand how she feels. When she learned English I will help her understand that this family can change her life because they changed my life. They make me life. My brother Zion is taller than me but I kinda think I might be taller than him. He makes me laugh. Sometimes he makes me cry. Most of the time we play football. My brother Azlan was born with a cleft lip and he doesn’t hear well. When he’s sad I try to cheer him up. I don’t say rude things to him. When things are tough I try to always think there s hope. There is always hope. I’m never alone and I know there will be lots of things in the future but I try not to be scared. When things may seem tough I just feel like I’m alone but there’s no need because I’m never alone. I have so many great brothers and sisters that help me.  Voila. It’s just like that. We really get along great.  When people cry I know how they feel because I have seen my life change. I know I’m home here!!

Here is Zunduka's entry:

1.  My name is Zunduka Walker.  I am 11 years old.  I was adopted. I was born in Africa by the equator.  I was born August 29, 2004 with a twin brother.  We are not identical twins.  My tummy mommy, she got very sick and then she died.  We were just babies when she died. So our grandmother’s sister was taking care of us.  She was very old and so she couldn’t take care of us any longer.  My twin brother and me, we had a cousin that we didn’t really know was our cousin until later in our life. After that lady could not take care of us anymore, someone else took care of us for a little bit.  My forever dad’s sister is a nurse there in Africa and she helped take care of us for a bit.  I was adopted when I was 5.5 years old.  I didn’t really know that I was about to get adopted.  I remember when my Mom came to visit.  We went to a small airport and there was a small plane and my mom got off the plane. We said “hello” and got to know her. I don’t remember that I knew that she was going to adopt us.  She stayed with us for two weeks and then she went to her country, America, and then later she came back but I didn’t really know one thing about that. The last day or something we were going to our village but then we got some news that we needed to go somewhere so we didn’t get to go to our village.  When we were going on a airplane, our mom said “do you need to go to the bathroom yes or no?” but we didn’t understand so we just copied her and said “yes or no” because we didn’t know english yet. I like that story. It makes me laugh.  When I was in the airport and I saw my brothers and sisters, I didn’t really know what was going on. When we hugged I felt better! When we got home, we had a party. I thought it was our birthday but it was just a party to celebrate that we were with our family and that we would live with them until we grow up and get married and be adults. I really love my forever family. We a lot of time play football and sports. We go to Seattle to have doctor appointments for three of my brothers.  I really really love this family because they take care of me and love me. I love them back.  Our mom and dad they work from home so we can spend time with them a  lot.  We are building a house so mom and dad are working super hard so we can buy a new house that is on a hill with lots of place to play.  I’m really excited to go and live in our new house.   I love to read.  I love to read the Bible. So i can learn more about Jesus and I know that I am going to Heaven because I believe in Him.  I love Jesus because He is God’s Son.  And the world has so much sin and if we didn’t know Jesus we would live sinful lives and I don’t think I would have this amazing family if it wasn’t for Jesus. Jesus came to earth to be a baby and He grew up teaching people about God. Then He died on a cross and they put nails in His feet and thorns on His head. He died. Three days later he rose again and went back to Heaven. He did all that for us so we could be with God if we believe in Him. That’s why I love Jesus and that’s why I want to learn about Him.

2.  The child we are adopting lives in China.  I don’t really know much about the place she lives there but I know she lives in China. Her name is ZhenAi. She’s 12 years old.  She just turned 12 in September. And she like a problem with her arm and it doesn’t really work so she doesn’t use it that much.  She’s an orphan.  

3.  I think it’s really important that I go to China so that ZhenAi can know me and she will know that I’m a really great brother. She will know I’m a great brother that isn’t mean and won’t bully her ever.  I think it would be great to see her place where she was born too. When I was adopted I was scared and nervous to meet a new family and be adopted. When I learned that my family was really nice and was a good family that loves Jesus, it helped. If I go to China I can help her know we are good family that loves Jesus and we will take of her.  She won’t have to be afraid and nervous, I think I can help her with that.

4.  I am trying to raise money by doing chores and getting paid for them. I also try to watch my baby sister when my mom and dad need help. I also wash dishes and do laundry and I’m working really hard to think of other ways to raise money to go China.  The $500 will me almost buy my airplane ticket and I think I raise the rest of the money.  So $500 will really really help me go to China.  

5.  I go to a really great church that is really fun and I love my teacher and she is really nice and our family really gets to spend time together a lot.  I’m really thankful for my forever family and I’m thankful that my family gets to do so much together that maybe other families don’t get to. That’s sad.

Here is Zion's entry:

1. My name is Zion Courage Walker.  I am 10 years old.  I like to play sports.  I love babies!  I love my little sister, she is 2 years old.  I am going to have 5 sisters, I also have 5 brothers.  I love my family.  Our family loves Jesus Christ. I love to help my mom and dad clean. We are going to be moving to the mountain in Benton City, Wa.

2. The girl that we are adopting is ZhenAi.  She is from China.  She just turned 12 years old.  I think she’s going to be happy living where we are going to live. I think she’s so lucky because there are so many kids that are orphans, yet she gets to be in our family.  I think she will really like doing school with us too.  I think she will like lots of brothers and sisters. Our family will love her and I hope she will love us.

3.  I want to go to China and see her beautiful country. I want to be one of the first in our family to meet our new sister.  I would love to see her foster home and family because I want to know the people that took care of my sister.  I want to know she is ok.  It’s important that I’m there because it’s a big moment that I will remember for the rest of my life that I was there to meet her when she came into our family. I think I’m old enough that I will remember this for my whole life.  I want to make sure ZhenAi is not afraid and if she meets several of our family in China, I think she will be more comfortable.  I hope she’s comfortable meeting us. 

4.  I am babysitting my 2 year old sister to raise money to go to China. I do lots of laundry and chores that my Mom and Dad pay me for.  I am working very hard and saving most of my money and holding back on spending any money on other things because I really think I should be in China meeting her. Today I helped my Dad build a fence so I could earn money.  I am working hard in many ways and hoping I will have enough money to go! The $500 would help me because I really need the money to be able to afford to go.  I just don’t have very much money right now. If i had more money, I would share a lot with my new sister. I’m working so hard to go on this trip.  For every $20 I put in my bank account, my parents give me another $5 towards my trip.  If I get this $500 I will be so very happy. I won’t brag to others, I will be very kind about it and thankful.

5. I really love helping people. I love to organize things. I just turned 10 years old.  I was born July 9th.  I am so happy that I have a big family. I love my mom and dad and so do I love all my brothers and sisters. I play with them. I play sports with them, I sometimes even play tea parties to spend time with my sisters!  I love fishing as a 10 out of 10 on things that I love!!

Tirzah's entry:

1. My name is Tirzah Walker.  I am almost 12 years old.  I live in Washington state.  I am homeschooled with my brothers and sisters.  I have six brothers, four of them are adopted.   I also have three sisters.   I am the oldest of 10 children and I love them all very, very much! I love horses and have my own horse. His name is Marz.

2.  My new sister that we are adopting is 2 months older than me.  She just turned 12.  Her name is ZhenAi Poppy.  She has Cerebral Palsy and was found orphaned as a one year old baby.  I am really happy that she is close to my age.  She’s so pretty too.

3.  I would love to see ZhenAi in China.  I really need this money to meet her in China.  I want to be there when she first meets our mom and dad so she’s not afraid.  I cannot wait to be her sister and help her learn English.

4. I am raising money but working very hard babysitting my brothers and sisters.  I have earned over $400 so far to go towards my trip to China!  Plus, every time I earn $20, my mom and dad give me an extra $5 towards my trip!! This extra $500 would help me so much.

5.  I have been wanting a sister my age for so long, I never thought it will ever come true.  I prayed for this for a long time and I am so excited to meet her!

Monday, October 12, 2015


This has become my life motto. I say it multiple times a day. And now...our children say it too.


This fundraiser is much simplified over the last one.

You can order and get it shipped right to you. Scroll through and see the multiple styles and colors.  There are many more colors of the hoodie!! And know you are bringing our daughter home.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Only good.

Many of you know that I really dislike flying.

I'm not sure when this happened in my life...because it wasn't long ago that I loved it. I think once I had to leave my children home...that was the turning point.

I know we all know people that dislike flying. I promise fear of flying is much, much worse.

Yes, I've been consoled that there's a name for it. Also been told many times by many people I should take meds while I fly.

I am really trying to do something different.


And oh...this one is a big one.

In the words of my husband: "I LOVE traveling with you. I get to look at your back the entire time. You won't talk, won't move, won't turn away from the window.".


I want to be at the back of the plane because I want to see everyone if I need to.  Yes. I just said that.  I don't ever look at the people but if I 'need' to, I want to know I can.

Do I have control issues...? Ahhhh...!

Please...I know (now that I'm home and on the ground...) that it doesn't make any sense. But...when I'm in the absolutely does.

So turbulence...? Yah.


Yes I have it. A lot.  It seems a lot of our flights are just not...smooth.

Last night we flew home from Palm Springs, CA (a business trip).  When we got on the last flight (just a short 40 minute flight from Seattle), the pilot announced there would be no snack service on the flight at all because he wanted the stewardesses buckled up the entire flight as it was forecasted to be quite rough.


You know it's bad when.

He then said it's extremely windy out and basically, stay seated, it's a short flight.

I texted my friend and asked her to pray.  Tirzah was waiting up to see us and she was praying too.

As we took off, I was once again glued to the window.  Interestingly...I was calm.  I just had this strange peace.  A few minutes in, Dean put his head set on my head. I wouldn't' even turn to look at his phone, I mean... I LOCK on the window.  Somehow I've convinced myself that if I can see down...I'm safer.  I have no idea.  It's really not logical.

I could see down. For a good bit of the way.  This is late. 11:20pm.

Then there were clouds.  I couldn't see down.  On my headphones...Dean had played "After All".

One of my very favorites.

After all...You are constant.

After all...You are ONLY good...

It was right then and there that instead of being fixated on the clouds beneath...I looked up.  And the sky. was amazing. Full of stars.  So clear.

It was perfect timing.  The panic was setting in. The song was playing.  I could no longer handle seeing down...and I looked up.  I wish it didn't take that...for me to look up. But it did.

Oh. true this is for so many areas of my life.


I was struck by how beautiful the sky was.  In the midst of my chaos.

I smiled to the window.  To the sky.

I really...truly...did.

Something magical happened.  The flight was the smoothest flight ever.

As we were coming in to land, the pilot announced there was a 45mile an hour cross wind and descent and landing would be rough.

It wasn't at all.  Unless I was so wrapped up in the 'constant' of my God that I didn't notice. And trust me...that in itself would be a huge answer to prayer and a miracle.

When we stepped off the plane...I felt like I was going to blow over. It was THAT windy.

I looked up to the stars...and just smiled.

So thankful for this night that God graciously answered the unspoken cries of his little girl's heart.  He doesn't always. No...He really doesn't. That flight home from Cancun in March was insane. All 5.5 hours of it pretty much.

We've heard it said many times...God can...and may calm the storm.  But if not...know for sure, He's in the storm with you.

I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.

Only good.  Good when He calms the winds and seas (that He created and controls...) and good when He doesn't .

Always. Only. Good.

The word ONLY in the song is so powerful.

He's not just good.

He's ONLY good.

He can't be otherwise.

Last night...He calmed the storm.  And this frail human so very thankful.