Nazara is 2.5 years old. She's the baby of the family.
She had a head cold and went to bed at her normal bedtime.
It was about 11pm and all of a sudden she cried out "Mommy...!! Where are you??" :)
I ran upstairs and laid down beside her. She scootched (yes, it's a word. In my world anyway) in close. She went to sleep. She was breathing very heavily, not stirring a bit. All of a sudden, she spoke up.
"Mommy...? Am I otay...?"
My eyes popped open. I was wide awake. But it was a "did she really just say that?" moment.
I quickly answered. "yes, my love. You are okay".
She said "Otay Mommy. Otay" and went right back to sleep.
I laid there for the longest time. Smiling in the dark. Holding my sniffly 2 year old girl in a half hug.
I knew that message was for me. How my 2 year old, in her sleep stupor, had just spoken directly to me...was a gift.
Here's what I knew in that moment. Sometimes...you just need to be told you are ok. You are going to be ok. And you are going to make it.
Ever been there?
Come on. I know you have. If you haven't...someone you love, has. And they simply need to be told..."you are ok". I realized holding Nazara close...she just asked what I was asking...without ever using the words.
Don't read too much into this. There's no hidden meaning here. I'm being transparent and real. I have a lot on my plate right now. The mortgage paperwork is making adoption paperwork look like a walk in the park. And that...that's saying something.
I find myself questioning if we'll ever get in the house, yet knowing deep down that we will. There have been random, even crazy...bad news days. Then there have been gifts and blessings that have left me spell bound. There have been tears and questions...and then there has been peace. Peace that God brought us here not to drop us and leave us.
And all along I didn't realize until the moment my baby asked it...that my heart was crying out to God asking "am I okay...?" Longing to hear the whisper.."ah my love. You are totally ok. You are going to be ok. And you are going to make it. I got you."
I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I laid there processing what had just happened.
It's been a long season of waiting. Of working. Of....striving.
At the end of the day...I just wanted to hear that soft, sweet voice that calms every fear in my heart. "oh Janice. You are totally ok. And you...you are going to make it. Just like you always do. We got this."
If that's you...then this message is for you. You are going to be okay. Whatever is happening. Whatever is burdening you. You...you are okay. You will be okay. You are going to make it.