Saturday, January 23, 2016

Feeling...heavy.

Today we got news from our adoption agency that ZhenAi does NOT know she is being adopted. They don't wish to tell her. On top of that...that in this particular province the children in foster homes are often brought to the orphanage for 1-2 weeks pre gotcha day to grieve there privately.

I have felt off....sick, actually..ever since.

I'm so thankful our agency feels the same way. They are begging that she be told and even shown pictures of our family.

In every 'human sense' this situation isn't good.  She's 12 years old. She needs to give consent to be adopted. Yet, they are dropping the news on her suddenly and ...

And then I remember.  In my deepest doubt...that this isn't our story.

Ridiculous faith.  Remember, Janice...?

My heart is heavy tonight.  Faith in the thick of questions and concerns.  The faith that you know for sure this is where God called you and this is your daughter. And yet...I'm human just like you.

Standing at yet another crossroads in my life.

The power of choice.  Which path do I choose? Oh the faith path is so tiny and wind-ey.  It's dimly lit.  If you can see further than your feet...it's no longer faith.  Ahhh...and yet I know.  I know that's the path where the beauty is.  That's the path where you get to see God's presence in your life like nothing you could imagine.

Easy...? Please don't let me be the one to make you think such.

No...no...it's not easy.  But as if laid in front of you as your foot is in mid-air...the pavement just suddenly appears. Just in time.  The path made fresh in front of each step. Just in time. You see there is indeed footing there. You will not fall.

Ah.  That's where I am.

And...I'm tired.  We are so close to being finished on the house.  It's all happening at the same time.  And I...? I humbly ask for you to pray for me...us...when you think of it.

And...if I'm to be completely honest...pray that God would just shine that light a little further down the path this time.

Pray for this beautiful girl. That she would know her family is coming.  And God would ready her heart for all that is to come.

**Update on the process, we have Article 5 pick up Feb 1. Expected gotcha date is Feb 29.**

1 comment:

  1. So...let me get this straight... she goes from foster home to orphanage, without warning, and is there without her foster family or friends etc. Will she know anyone there? I think i get why you are filled with such angst. Poor child. She will need your kind of family to get through this. Will keep you all in prayer. Hugs. Lauretta

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