I decided years ago that to tell our story it's a choice of telling it in it's entirety or not at all.
Why tell a half story? Why inspire with only the lovely? The beautiful? The easy? How does that help? Who does it help?
This is all filtered through my realist perspective.
I always wanted to be a mom. Always. From the time I was a young child, I dreamed of being a mom. I still remember all the excitement and all the joy I walked into that hospital room with before Tirzah Liberty was born. No fear. All joy.
And then she was born. Pain I didn't know was possible. I couldn't sit. Literally. Could...not...sit for days. I had level 3 tearing. Breast feeding was everything except natural and beautiful. It hurt more than I could express. I felt fat. A weepy emotional mess. And in pain.
And I remember talking to different moms as if I was alone. Every single time my comments were met with a warm smile as they assured me this was 100% normal.
Why had no one told me?
And so my commitment began that day to tell the full story. I'm sure I'm not the only one who once upon a time thought this way. As immature as it may be...it's where I was.
And knowing...changes everything.
For my second child's birth ... I went in knowing. Knowing the pain. Knowing the emotions would be crazy. Knowing I needed space. Knowing I needed to fill the perscription. Knowing. And what a different experience that was...!
There have been countless disruptions in China lately. Families who come for their child...expectations are not met. Things are way harder than they were prepared for. It's not lovely. It's messy. Sad. Angry. Hard. And they decide for multiple reasons to walk.
Could it have been better had they known the full story? I'm not sure. But I remain convinced that it's what has the greatest chance of helping.
Here's what I have found: dozens and dozens of families who have either walked the path I'm walking or are currently here...saying "thank you". Thank you for speaking the truth. Thank you helping me realize I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing the full story. Feeling hope in the truth.
And for me? Though it's hard to hear those that disagree...the pro will always outweigh the cons. Always.
I'm not here for me. Let me be very clear. Though you may think me crazy for suggesting it...our life was comfortable before coming to China again. Manageable. In a sweet spot. This is not for us. We had no void. We were not lacking and came to fill as spot. This is for her.
So many assumptions can be made without knowing facts. As in every area of life...be cautious.
So this journey is hard. Hard for all of us. I knew that coming in. What would take ridiculous faith if it was going to be easy? I got that a year ago. Do you know what we do when things are hard? It's definitely not run the other way. No... that's when we work harder. We love deeper. We give more. We pray more sincerely. And we smile through it all. A deep joy comes from within. Knowing Who is with you. Knowing why you are here. Knowing He works all things for good to those that love Him. If I only did the things in my life that were without resistance I would be divorced today...and have maybe 2 children and definitey would not be a successful business owner. So doing hard things brings great reward.
Years ago I heard someone I greatly respect say that for every 100 people you inspire...10 will hate you. Often, publicly. For every thousand you inspire...100 will disagree. Often...publicly. He went on to say that the saddest part of this stat is that most people will stop doing whatever it is they do to inspire and help people b/c 10% hurt them too deeply. Instead...he encouraged me to focus on the 90%. Not the 10. Do you know how hard that is...? I'm sure you do. 100 people can tell you you look amazing at a wedding...but one asks if you've put on a few pounds and what do you do? Shove that dress in the back of your closet and never want to see it again. Why...? That's just a small example of how we focus on the negative. The naysayer. The ones who disagree with us.
Today I choose. I choose though it's not natural for me to do so...to focus on the 90. I love you all. Even those who disagree. But I choose to keep being open...vulnerable and putting my own heart at risk...for the 90%.