Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Freeing.

Freeing. The act...of setting yourself free.

So for me...this was walking into our closet and feeling all the emotions that I have felt for so long...and choosing to be free.

Associations are powerful.  I would see a shirt...and remember when and where I wore it, if it was attached to a bad memory.  So this resulted in me having a full closet...and yet "nothing to wear".

Does that resonate at all?

The problem is...I love my clothes.  I only buy what I love.  And this means many of my pieces are 7 and 10 years old! SERIOUSLY.  (Doing the kids baby books...proved it!)

I stood in my closet a few weeks ago...holding pieces I didn't want to part with...crying...and choosing to be free.

99% of my wardrobe went to consignment.  Things I wasn't 'done with'. Things I 'still loved'.  Things I wanted to keep for years to come.  My 'favorite pieces'.   But it was time.

Time...to set myself free.

At least now when I walk into my closet and groan that "I have nothing to wear!!"...it's legit! I really...truly...don't. And you know what? I'm ok with it.  Because I chose freedom over stuff.

A few nights after that big moment, Dean came home with a Starbucks and an envelope.  The kids all gathered around for me to open it.  On the outside it said "Janice's clothing fund".  I opened it to see 5- $100 bills inside.  And I cried.

Yes. We share a bank account. Yes...what's his is mine. But he knows...I would never spend the money on me.  It was an amazing gift and the fun part? I still have $432 left.  I have spent it only on things I love.

Not things on sale. Not running to the clearance, as I have my whole life. But just buying things I love...that I will love to wear.

I stopped in the most adorable boutique a few days ago.  I found a shirt that I truly love.  In every other moment in my life, I would have choked on the price and put it back.  But this time...? Without hesitation I walked to the counter with my cash and bought it.  And for good measure...? Bought a pastry to enjoy on my way home.

Free.

This was so freeing to me...much more than I could have anticipated...that a few weeks later I walked into our little girl's room.  I saw our six year old's shoulders go up...her body freeze as I started pulling out dresses out of her closet.  I looked at her and asked if she saw happy memories or sad memories with each piece.  99% was sad.  I asked if she was ready to say good bye to the sad and get some new things with happy memories.  Bags of clothing later...they now love going into their closet to choose what to wear.

Free.

For you...it may not look like emptying your wardrobe.  It's really symbolic of something much greater. But I suspect each one of us can take a step towards freedom. An active step...towards being free.

This is a small step compared to what we are taking in a few weeks.  But really...should any material thing hold us back from freedom?  Isn't it all just 'stuff'...? Just a car...? Just a house...? Just clothes...?

If you see me...and I'm wearing what you saw me wear 2 times in the prior week....know this.  I am much freer than I was six months ago with a fabulous wardrobe.  In fact...I don't even go in my closet and whine about nothing to wear. Because everything in there...? Reminds me that I'm free.  Nothing has a powerful negative memory attached to it.  And it's all just clothes.  Just stuff.

My heart being free is worth so much more.

So is yours.


1 comment:

  1. I hope someday you feel enough peace in your heart to be able to share the story with us. I've been praying for you and your family for so long, but am not sure what happened. More prayers headed your way!

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